I Can't Listen for Shit

People often ask me why I don't speak much, or why I'm so quiet, or other questions of that ilk. I like to "people watch" and don't pay attention to things going on around me. That's what I tell people, but I'm starting to think that I'm just full of shit when I say it.

I have no attention span and my hearing is very poor. If I were a musician I would blame my horrible hearing on playing at "11" without ear plugs. My attention span... I blame MTV. Not MTV today, but MTV in it's fledgling years when they actually had programming that dealt with music.

The combination of poor hearing and undiagnosed ADD leaves me out of the conversations. I often get bits and pieces of them and the seemingly randomness of the quotes make me replay the words in my head to make sure that what I just heard was accurate. "...and so I yelled at him for shitting on the carpet." I had no idea they were talking about a dog. I had in my head the possibility that it was an ex, who became an ex for his problems with defecating on the flooring. "What was the show on Nickelodeon that popularized the slime?" I actually knew the answer and no one else did. Yeah, I know stupid shit like that. "Let's toast to jelly beans." This one I actually heard wrong, but I like jelly beans so I went along and didn't question it until later.

I'm much better one-on-one. That person will get my full attention, one hundred percent, and completely unobstructed by my frail attention span. If the conversation consists of more than two people, or I'm on the phone which leaves me to be easily distracted by the objects in front of me, then you're fucked my friend.