Soylent Green is Hamsters!

Wait. I think I got that wrong. Yes. I'm thinking of the McRib. It's the only explanation I can think of. The ad wizards at McDonald's keep rereleasing it year after year for a limited time, even though they like to say that, "this is the last time they'll be available."

It took me a long time to figure out what the meat for the McRib consisted of. Mainly due to the time it took to make me fabricate a decent reason. It sounds really good though. Just regard that sentence where I referred to this as a "fabrication." It's anything but.

The secret meat ingredient is hamster. It's an animal that yields very little meat per animal (if you don't count the added mass that the ground up innards contribute) and on the scale that the McRib is sold, they need a lot of it. The entire hamster population can't be used in pressing out the "rib" shaped patties that are used in these sandwiches. A large percentage still have to be let for pet purposes. This leads to the minimum span of time in which they can be available for consumption.

I've had a McRib, this was many years ago before my boycott, and it was pretty nasty. I think the problem is that I looked to see what the meat actually looked like. The "barbecue sauce" is more like a liquid based mind control serum that wears off after 360 days. It causes people to think the golden arches are a gateway to deliciousness. I think they mix it with heroin too. I don't have facts to back that up though. Plenty of evidence for the mind control though. It's in my underground bunker in a undisclosed location under my bed.