The Crazies Flock to Me

I've recently discovered that I'm getting a lot of hits here on this ol' blog, which is also the title of a new television show I have in the works where Bob Villa comes in and fixes up old and busted blogs. Lots of hits mean that people will sit and read this thing during their down-time or just when they're supposed to be doing work but prefer to procrastinate, like me. So to please those readers and to keep them coming back I feel like I need to post a bit more often so they don't get bored from a lack of posting and move onto a blog that Mr. Villa just finished with. Maybe that show would do better with Xzibit as the host and call it "Pimp Eye for a Boring Blog"... I'll play around with it.

I've got a MySpace account, yeah one of those, and every once in a while I'll get a message from some random female. 9 times out of 10 it's somebody trying to get me to look at their private webcam which costs $30 a month. In short, it's a porn ploy. Say that three times fast. Porn ploy, porn ploy, porn ploy. Even in my mind I tripped on it a little. Doesn't say much for my mind I suppose...

Anyway, I got a message the other day asking if the image on my profile of a little boy was my kid. Just to clear things up right away, that adorable, blonde haired, pre-man is me. She then continued to tell me that she was pregnant and then her age, hair and eye color, and height and weight, with a reminder that the weight had the yet-to-be kid added into it. She wrote it pretty poorly to begin with so my first time through I thought she said the kid was mine, which really freaked the shit out of me. Then I realized she was just a stupid kid, since she couldn't write and she was trying to hit on guys by telling them she was pregnant.

Now, if by chance she reads this, which I doubt because it would involve something she probably hates doing; reading, but nonetheless, I'll explain it to any ladies out there that may use this tactic when luring men. It doesn't work. Generally it just gives off the impression that you like sex without a condom and you either don't use the pill or you have it and you just don't take them. From the "nice guy" perspective they will probably feel sorry for the kid since the dad is most likely not in the picture anymore and feel sorry for you for being such a fucking idiot. If you're looking for a "nice guy" to help raise the kid just work the whole pregnancy thing into a conversation, don't use that as an opener. Most likely you'll scare him off. From the "asshole" perspective this will show that you like doing the horizontal polka a LOT and it will lead to plenty of one night stands. If that's what you're looking for you're doing the right thing. But you're still a fucking idiot.

To sum up, if you're randomly emailing someone, tell them you're pregnant, and then continue on explaining your physical features, you're a fucking idiot.

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