Year In Review

Every other asshat does one of these, so why can't I? The difference being that I'm doing this all off the top of my head with a hangover. Anybody going to match that shit? Don't think so.

Hurricanes and Brownies were the big talk of the year 2005. Two massive storms took out the Big Easy which has now changed it's name to "Scapegoat Lagoon." If anyone was blamed for anything going wrong during the hurricanes it was always someone else that didn't act quickly enough. Meanwhile Brownie was busy worrying about how he'd look on TV. His emails brought up a good point though; If you want it to look like you've been working hard, roll up your shirt sleeves. Maybe through a little water on your pits to get that "sweaty" look that I've heard of.
There was also a massive earthquake in... I don't remember. It was some Middle Eastern country. Unless we're getting oil or a war out of the country I don't get to hear about it too much.

Many people died again this year. Richard Pryor, Mitch Hedberg, that one guy that did the thing, and the "time to make the doughnuts" guy from the old Dunkin Donuts commercials. The last one was the hardest to deal with for me. Outside of family relations of course. I thought that guy would live forever and keep making those doughnuts, but it was not to be. Who will make the doughnuts now and know what time it is to make them? Bakers? I'm not letting a fucking baker make my doughnuts! With the passing of the Dunkin Donuts legend so will my consumption of doughnuts. Never again will a doughnut pass between my lips... Wait, doughnuts are tasty. I may have to rethink that. And why do I keep spelling doughnuts two different ways?
On to sports. The White Sox finally got Chicago out of their baseball championship slump. The Sox don't have the same following as the Cubbies, but lets face it, Hell would have to freeze over before they won. Albert Pujols was able to show Houston fans what a REAL homerun looks like, damn that was funny. All the cheers and then the crack of the bat left the entire stadium in a state of quite awe as the ball soared higher and higher over the train tracks (which are in the stadium for some stupid fucking reason) and slammed into the plexi-glass which was in place to create a "domed" stadium environment. Otherwise it would have been out of the park. I hope those Astros fans were taking notes.

What else in sports.... A girl drove a car around in a circle ad nauseum, but this time it wasn't because she was a bad driver. Danika Patrick was the first woman to compete in a league of red necks, I mean hoosiers, I mean men who like Tide. Actually I don't give a shit about this I'm just running out of things to write.

That's it. I'm spent. I need a nap or a shot of whiskey. Happy New Year.

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