Kosmo's Krap

Giant Spiders

2011-02-16T21:13:00.002-06:00

I stayed late tonight to make up some work. My boss often tells me to watch out when I leave since the neighborhood is a bit seedy, even though I'm easily the largest in the office. I've never had any trouble, but there was a body found in a torched car a few months back so I'm "alert". I was already in my car and pulling out of the parking lot when I caught a shadow in my rear-view mirror.

Now this is the sequence of thoughts that quickly took place in my mind:

"That's a weird looking tree. HOLYFUCKTHERE'SAGIANTSPIDERBEHINDMYCAR!!! Wait, that's just a spider on my rear-view mirror. WAIT,THATSPIDERISONMYREAR-VIEWMIRROR!!! What kind of spider is that? WHERETHEFUCKDIDITGO?!? IS IT CRAWLING ON MY HEAD?!?"

That's all I remember because the adrenaline rush put me in a state of hyper-alertness. My mind was no longer in control and animal instinct took over. The next thing I remember is pulling up to my home and turning off the car. Or I shrieked like a little girl and swerved into oncoming traffic. It's hard to be sure.

Hey Rest of America, Feel Free to Mess With Texas Now

2011-02-03T23:33:00.003-06:00

Maybe just Houston. I don't know if the rest of Texas are shitting their pants in fear of cold weather. For the past few days news reports have carried nothing but the impending doom of an arctic burst of air that dropped high temps into the mid-30s. Tonight we are expected to get an inch of snow with some rain and sleet. Go just 50 miles north of Houston and this isn't news. This is winter.

Here's how ridiculous this bullshit it is, the mayor CLOSED the city of Houston for the morning. I'm not sure there's a school that will have class tomorrow. Lots of the local folks I know on FB don't have to go into work. I don't know if I'm working tomorrow or not yet, I have to call in the morning. I just saw on the news that one of the busier areas of downtown is virtually abandoned like the cars along Lakeshore Drive. Except that the cars are buried under feet of snow, and there hasn't been a drop of precipitation yet. I'm at home because I don't have a social life. So don't start pointing fingers and saying, "But Brendan, you aren't out either..." I didn't rush to the grocery store after work to stock up on supplies for ONE NIGHT. I hit up the liquor store for beer to enjoy while I sit outside waiting for the snow like a normal human being. Maybe not that normal.

So, next time you're in Houston and you meet a rough and tough, rootin' tootin' "cowboy" and they want to start some trouble, pick up an ice cube and torment them endlessly. But be wary of the concealed weapon they most likely have to protect themselves from terrorists like you.

Nerves Shmerves

2009-10-26T19:37:00.001-05:00

The past month, maybe six weeks, has been a ridiculous period for my body. Now I have plenty of strange crap happening to me on any given day, but those are things that I take pills for daily and don't surprise me anymore. These past four to six weeks, though, have brought about some new twists that, to put it lightly, are fucking annoying.

So, six weeks ago I started having problems with my eye. It was putting on a show for the world by changing through various shades of light pink to deep, blood-red. To those that haven't seen my eye, you missed something impressive. Well, you're missing something impressive. It's still coming and going. I delighted in closing my left eye, that was perfectly fine, and then stare at people with my blood-red eye as though I was placing a hex on them. I have been treating it with medicated drops, but it doesn't seem to be doing a damn thing.

Then, perhaps, a week after starting the grind of putting drops in to exorcise the demon living in my eye I found a bump over my right eye. It didn't itch. It wasn't some large infected pimple. It was just a bump hanging out over my eye, whistling as the ladies walked by. My mom mentioned in passing that the bump looked a bit like one my dad had early in the summer when he had shingles. I'd had shingles four or five years ago, but it was on my torso. I was familiar with the pain associated with having shingles. The day after the bump appeared, I started feeling like absolute shit. I thought I'd caught the vile pig sickness, H1N1 flu. I had no fever though, so not the flu. The flu-like feeling that I was having is a symptom of shingles, however. I also started having radiating pain from the bump back through my scalp. Not really painful, just noticeable. I went to the doctor the next day and was given Valtrex.

A short aside, Valtrex is prescribed to those with herpes. Thanks to the marvels of the internet I discovered that shingles is a form of herpes. It's nothing like the STD version that "herpes" is associated with. It's not even the same virus that causes chicken pox like I thought previously. Maybe it's a mutation, but the internet didn't tell me that.

I finished my run of Valtrex. The bump was gone and no new bumps appeared. Having shingles on the face is nerve-racking because if it spreads to your eye, it could ruin your vision. BUT, no new bumps, so nothing to worry about. Then a week or so after I was done with the Valtrex my neck started to bother me. It was a bit stiff. A similar feeling to having slept funny and waking up with a crick in your neck. I took some Tylenol and had a heating pad on it to loosen up the muscles. Then a week after doing this I woke up and had a searing pain in my neck/shoulder on my right side as I tried getting out of bed. I woke up on my back and had to roll back and forth like a turtle so I could maneuver into a position where I could then stand. The odd thing was that just laying on my back was causing pain as though I had a massive bruise on my shoulder. A few hours later I laid down on the ground and had the heating pad back in place, but this time it just caused the pain to increase. Luckily the effects that Tylenol was having on my body hadn't changed, so I at least found one way to ease the pain.

I was stiff for the rest of the week (last week), experiencing the occasional pain radiating down my arm, but for the most part having a constant pain in my neck/shoulder. Once the weekend rolled around I was starting to feel a bit looser. The more likely scenario was that I had just grown accustomed to the pain, because Sunday morning I made the mistake of stretching upon waking. Immediately I winced and stopped moving, breathing, and thinking. The simple of act of stretching had caused me more pain than I had experienced the entire previous week. It was so much that it made me whimper and nearly brought me to tears. It was quite extraordinary. Unfortunately, it being Sunday, I had no opportunity to see a doctor to see what kind of remedies I could use. Tylenol was able to cut through the fog of pain as well as it was previously.

Today, Monday, I was able to get in to see a doctor and after a quick look through my history she told me that my neck pain was likely caused by lymphatic drainage. I didn't get all the details, but the virus that caused my shingles had built up in my lymph nodes and was now draining out through my nerves, starting at my neck. The radiating pains were now spreading further down my arm and to the middle of my back. I was given an anti-inflammatory to help calm my wild nerve endings. I was also sent to an ophthalmologist to have my eyes checked to be sure the shingles hadn't spread to my eyes and caused any damage. The diagnosis there was the first decent news I'd had in a while; allergies. I was given some drops and told what to look out for in case something should arise.

Now I just have to sit and wait to see if the anti-inflammatory meds do their duty. It should be improving within the week, but if not, I call my doctor and get something else. This entire experience has been interesting, if not annoying. I had a bit of a scare when in the doctor's office and was asked if I had lost any strength or feeling in my right hand. It took me a beat, but I realized that there is a very real possibility of experiencing some nerve damage. I'm fairly certain that I got it early enough, but there's always that slim chance that I waited too long to see someone about my sore neck. Saturday I had a fleeting thought that the neck pain had been related to my shingles, but I never gave it a second thought. I was certain I'd just sprained a muscle.

The pink eye turned out to be nothing, but the sore neck could have caused me some real problems. Isn't it ironic?

I'm Fighting a Futile War

2009-10-12T12:59:00.002-05:00

The past few months have been quite a new experience for me. For one, I'm not in school for the first time in my life. The degree has been attained (Although I have a small balance with the university and haven't received it.) and there is no plan to return to the hallowed halls of learning with the exception of possibly teaching. That thought has started swimming in my mind. Molding the minds of the young has a bit of a diabolically sinister appeal to it... Not being able to find work has afforded me a lot of time to think of such things.

Secondly, I've begun to really pay attention to ants. I can't tell the difference between one ant species and the next, although red ones are pretty easy to point out. There's the new "raspberry" ant that I heard about early this year on some news special detailing their invasion of nearby areas and causing a ruckus. I'm not sure how they've become such a predicament or why they've chosen to attack me. What I do know is that I refuse to lose to an ant known as "raspberry".

My first skirmish was during a short week where the rest of my family were out of town. I went to heat up some water in the microwave and discovered a dozen ants running around inside AFTER running it for two minutes. Apparently, ants do not consist of enough water for the microwave to kill them. Science Fiction movies from the 1950s began to spring to mind images of 50-foot tall ants destroying the city thanks to the appliance hanging over the stove. I watched them scurry around for a minute or two, I swear they were running faster than normal ants and the mutations were beginning. Then I decided to wet a paper towel and scoop wipe them up into it. Then I slammed the microwave door shut and turned that fucker on. Through the door I could see the ants crawling about on the paper towel and then suddenly curling up in agony under the intense heat. It was almost as fun as burning the little bastards with a magnifying glass.

A month or six weeks later I was out tooling around in my car (Do kids still say "tooling" when referring to driving?) and while stopped at a light I opened up the center console between the seats to get some gum. When I closed everything back up I glanced into the cup holder adjacent and saw half a dozen ants roaming free and effecting my gas mileage with their microscopic weight. I quickly tried smashing them all with my fingers with a deadly poke and prod. One did evade me by escaping into a crevice that my meaty fingertip couldn't fit no matter how much I tried to force it in. Skip ahead to the next morning, and as I open up my car to run some errands I see dozens of ants running all along my running board. I think it's called a running board. It's the area that is perfectly covered by the door when in the "closed" position. Upon further inspection I found ants venturing into the car and finding bits of crumbs in the floorboards. Admittedly, I freaked out and used an entire can of bug spray in an attempt to kill them all. I let the bug spray marinate in the car for an entire day. I'm not entirely sure if sitting in the car with those fumes would have killed me, but I wasn't taking any chances. The next day I found another dozen ants sprinkled about my car, so I spent another can of spray and wasted another day marinating my car. This time, I got them all. At least I didn't see them boldly venturing forth into the open to face the wrath of my fingertips and aerosol weapons of mass destruction.

Last week we caught a trail of ants walking over the tires of the cars parked out front, but not going into the cars. They were walking around on the surface of the tires and the brakes in an attempt to create a new nesting area. The ants were carrying what looked like egg sacks, larvae, or whatever the hell you call that stage in their development. I can't remember freshman year biology from high school. So the hose and the bug spray came out to blast the shit out of the little maggots.

The latest encounter occurred just last evening. Ten or so ants were swarming my dogs rawhide bone and, thanks to my previous experiences, I knew that I had to discover the trail leading to their entry point. They lead back to the small bathroom next to the garage and into a small hole in the molding. I was expecting the grout around the toilet to have a gap that had failed to hold them at bay. They decided to focus their assault on the wood-front instead. I can't even imagine the encampments that they must have built and fortified amongst the walls. Their entry point in the bathroom isn't even on the wall shared by the garage. I had to wipe the image of their fortifications from my mind and get to the business of spraying these little shits with the water-based poisons at my disposal. It provided me with a strong blast and knocked the ant-bastards for a loop when hit directly. I also thought the poisonous liquid would travel back into the hole much better than it's misty counterpart. I killed all the ants that were in visible range.

Now I must be vigilant and wait for their next attack. I will attempt to locate the point of entry from the exterior, but due to the large diameter of the house and the heavily grassed areas it appears to be a truly daunting endeavor. The determination of these ants is a problem and I see no possible way to crush that. Their sheer numbers are also a force in and of itself. I don't know how I can hope to combat an enemy with numbers well into the millions, possibly billions. I just hope that the folks at Target don't get suspicious of the numerous trips and purchases of high-powered WMADs (Weapons of Mass Ant Destruction) and report me to the authorities for mass ant-icide.

It's Been Awhile

2009-08-24T12:04:00.001-05:00

And before you ask, NO, I don't have that next bit of the story written. I've been trying to get away from my computer more this past... However long it's been since I posted last. I'm too lazy to check it myself. I just have two things I want to talk about real quick. They're both commercials.

ONE! There's this PSA that is trying to deter people from drinking and driving by stating that "cops are on the lookout" and you shouldn't risk the ticket. It was kind of cool when I first saw it. They show a few cars driving down the road, swerving of course since they drivers are drunk, and to illustrate this, since the swerving wasn't enough, the car is filled with the alcoholic beverage of the driver's choice up to their waste. I think they're trying to pickle themselves. I'm pretty sure their fingers and toes were pruny. Is this a national commercial? I'd hate to be talking about this and then you haven't been able to see this piece of cinematic brilliance.

I've seen this commercial hundreds of times. During those hundreds of viewings I've realized something. The cops in this commercial are absolute idiots. Every time they show one of these mobile martini glasses getting pulled over, the cop asks, "Sir, have you been drinking tonight?" "Ociffer, what would ever give you that idea as I roll my window down and alcohol comes pouring out covering your shoes?" They show a guy blowing into a breathalyzer, but only one or two of these guys gets arrested. What happened to the others?!? How did they avoid ending up in the back of the cruiser? Did the one guy take a swing at the cop?

Okay, enough of that one.

TWO! Domino's Pizza is now advertising this free chocolate cake with the purchase of some tasteless piece of shit that they're trying to clear out of their warehouses. But, not only is it a chocolate cake, it's also filled with CHOCOLATE LAVA! Just think about that name they've given to their chocolate filling, will you? The image I see is that the moment I bite into this cake my face and the entirety of my digestive tract will be scalded with this substance that is supposed to be a delicious treat. I want to meet the ad-wizard that came up with that name and punch them in the face for taking a job that I could do and he's doing nothing with it. I could use a job like that.

My Brother Had A Birthday

2009-06-28T02:09:00.002-05:00

He wasn't in town. So I improvised a little.

~~I sent him some baseball cards. Bringing back the memories of youth.~~
10 days later and he hasn't gotten it. Fucking post office.

"What the Hell Are You Doing With Your Time?"

2009-06-04T17:56:00.004-05:00

I imagine this is what you would like to ask me if you check back daily to see if there's a new post here or the next bit of the short story I began a few weeks ago, only to see bupkis. Well, not much really. I'm trying to determine where the story is going, but haven't found a path that I find agreeable yet. I've been looking at job postings on the major job posting sites, but most of them have nothing but get-rich-quick or pyramid schemes. I guess those are both the same thing.

I've been reading a lot online. Mostly via Twitterers that I follow who post links to their blogs or articles about recent events. If you happen to see a link in my Twitter feed to the right, you can click on it. It's interactive so once your arrow pointer turns into a finger pointer (or whatever you may have changed your pointer to), give it a click and see just what I happen to be referring to there.

I've got numerous other activities that I can waste time with, and I do, but nothing worth writing about. Hopefully, inspiration will strike in the next few days and I can get back to that story. I'd been thinking about it so much before writing that first chapter that you'd think the plot would have been laid out before hand. I guess I was putting that off since I hadn't actually written anything. My procrastination skills are impressing me. I put off things that even I enjoy thinking about.

I did happen to realize the need for a way to quickly access the story. So, to the right, just under my Twitter feed, you'll notice a new section of links called "Short Story". Chapter 1 is posted there, and depending on the length of it all, I'll post each new chapter there. I'll add links to the end of each chapter to the subsequent chapter so it's easier for you to get from one to the next. I may just post the first and newest chapters under the "Short Story" section. That's something else I'll have to feel out, but HEY, it's over there!

Feeling Ranty

2009-05-31T08:36:00.004-05:00

I slept pretty poorly last night, which I'll contribute to ice cream before bed, and I'm not feeling very prose-y right now. Otherwise you'd be reading Chapter 2.

I was just looking through some Facebook messages when I came across a status update from a teenage relative of mine. She said what she was going to be doing and then ended it with "cellll." I've seen my sisters use "textttt" to finish their status as well many many times and I guess the lack of REM has finally caused it to be bothersome to me. I only see this in teenagers. At least the few teenage relatives I have. I can only assume that they are trying to tell people to get in touch with them in these certain ways, but isn't that implied? No teenager has a land line anymore. Hell, I rarely see my sisters actually talking on their phones. Text messaging has become the preferred method of communication. I do it more often than talking and even my mom has been shooting me messages about weather or traffic if I'm out running errands. So, why do they need to specify how to get in touch with them? If they don't write something like that, are we to assume that they don't want to be bothered?

I just realized I'm droning on like Andy Rooney. "Why do they call them cell phones? Is it because you feel like you're a prisoner on parole? You can't leave your house unless you have your cell phone on you so the parole officer can find you at any time." Okay, so I'm no Andy Rooney. I'm more of a hack observational comic from the early to mid 1990s. Time to get some coffee.

Just Some Quickies

2009-05-29T10:44:00.002-05:00

I read somewhere recently that traveling in an environment with less gravity, i.e. any form of flight, actually causes someone to age more rapidly. I don't know the exact science behind it, but scientists discovered the occurrence as they subjected fruit flies, or something, to zero-g environments. Even flying in an airplane causes this to occur due to the changes in air pressure we experience. Somehow I started thinking of the rapid aging we see in one of our presidents. Yes, their job is incredibly stressful and that alone could cause them to age poorly, but they also fly around a LOT. I wonder how President Obama will look after an eight-year tenure. Yeah, that's right. Eight years. I'm calling it here.

As I continue my search for a job I constantly see postings for the same company for the same positions. I happened to talk to someone who was working for one of these companies and quickly found it they were just glorified pyramid schemes. They try to hook you with the promise of increased compensation the longer you're with the company. Which got me to thinking of how it irks me to hear people talking about how much money they make but never what they do. These individuals have little regard for what they do as long as it gets them the beaucoup bucks. It doesn't matter who they exploit or step on along the way to achieve these ends. The most unsettling thing is that this trend seems to grow from one generation to the next and is perpetuated by some of the crap I see on TV glorifying those who are little more than trust-fund babies. They contribute nothing to society or help anyone else unless their publicists talk them into it. Anyone familiar with The Hills or the 1980s?

I'm working on the next chapter in the story I've begun. I'm trying to determine where this is going as well as a nice point to leave it to keep you coming back for more. It's coming though.

Catching Up On Some Reading

2009-05-24T08:36:00.003-05:00

I've been amassing a large number of online articles that I wanted to read at one point, but felt I didn't have the time, over the past several months. I'm starting to read through a them and thought I'd just share some with you.

Let It Die - I enjoyed this solely for the historical look at our banking system. It's pretty biased, but I think it made a valid point towards the end of getting bankers and investors to stop what they're doing and actually contribute to society.

And He Shall Be Judged - A bit of an expose, I suppose, of Donald Rumsfeld's tenure with the Bush administration. The crap he pulled is pretty mind-boggling and it seems like the article is trying to help in redeeming Bush's legacy (This line in particular made me question the author's motives, "...Bush’s single most important domestic-policy achievement, the No Child Left Behind education initiative...") by placing more blame on his underlings. I think it's a sign of a poor leader to allow people working for you to manipulate the chain-of-command or impede the work of others, so Bush is still a crappy president in my book.

Economics of Star Trek - I've been watching a lot of the Next Generation television series in its syndicated reruns lately. I think this author may have been capitalizing on the hype of the new movie, but it's a question that's crossed my mind many times; If money doesn't exist in Star Trek, why do people work? He answers it fairly well and there are a few other articles linked at the end that have differing views on the subject.

15 Brilliant Business Card Designs - This one is just cool. Some very interesting designs that, if you were given one, wouldn't forget who gave it to you and what they did.

The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist - A loooooooong read. BUT veeeeeery interesting. It seems like something that came from a movie minus the montages of info gathering, practice, and then the heist itself.

Chapter 1

2009-05-22T04:00:00.003-05:00

The pounding on the door wakes me. I lay in bed listening to the pattern and strength behind each slam. There's not enough anger behind them for it to be someone I owe money to. I'm glad I invested the rent money in a new deadbolt. That fucking excuse for a landlord isn't getting his money til I can get a decent hot shower. Moving in and out of my apartment through the fire escape is more of my style anyway. Sounds like my visitor is getting tired, or his fist is getting sore. He'll fuck off in a minute or two.

I sit up to survey my sanctuary. Damn. Same shithole I left behind before blacking out with my friend JD. "Casa de la Mierda" for those lucky enough to receive the grand tour. Garbage overflowing its containment. Dishes piled in the sink and broken fragments strewn across the floor. My lovely couch has a spring protruding from the back cushion that provides me with free acupuncture. I'm a firm believer in clearing my chakras regularly.

My left hand is still clutching my phone. I only made one call I don't remember. Guess I'm improving a little. I wish I had an idea of what the messages contained in the voicemails I leave for her. You can only record thirty to sixty seconds, on average before they cut you off, and this call was... Ten minutes. Fuck me. Hopefully I got to the heart of the matter early on and just rambled through the rest.

How nice, a manilla envelope slid under my door. What could it be? A summons? An eviction notice? Another guy/gal wanting me to tail his/her whore of a wife/husband? So many possibilities and so little desire to open it. The possibility of work and life is much to real to think about right now. If I start dwelling on it too much I'll...

Goddamn it. The next wave of pounding has begun to echo inside my head. The hangover has taken root and any chance of falling back to sleep is shot out the window. Whoa, would you look at that. My window's shot out. I thought it was a little draftier than usual this afternoon. Just another addition to the many fine examples in this apartment of my contempt for fine living. Guess I tried crawling through the wrong window last night. Impatience is one of my defining characteristics.

At least the pounding in my head keeps me aware of the condition of my heart. Strong beat. Good rhythm. Still broken. I'm glad my liver can't communicate with me in the same way. If it could, it would probably feel a lot like a machine gun with an unlimited ammo clip being unloaded into my gut at point-blank range as it yells obscenities at me over the roaring blasts. Enough of that though, my bladder is screaming out in mercy for release.

As I make my way over to the bathroom I hear some thunderous footsteps in the hallway growing louder. I pause at the door and so does the guy in the hall. I hear a number of sounds all at once, but it takes just a split second to know what they are. A large foot crushing against the center of a cheaply made door giving way heading right at my face.

"Oh fu-

And It Begins

2009-05-22T03:58:00.001-05:00

I've written the first portion of the story I've been batting around in my head for weeks. It's something I've wanted to do for months, but I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out just how to start it off. I'm not completely sure where it's going to go, but it should provide for some interesting reading at the very least. Hopefully.

I'm not going to be writing any titles for each section. I'll use "Chapter __" so you can easily identify the story from any other posts I may interject between now and whenever it may be completed. I'm going to do my best to write anything that would be a book-length chapter, because I feel this medium doesn't really work as well for wordy posts. I don't foresee this interfering with the pace of the story. It'll be on me to properly keep the story going along with your interest. I may change my point of view on this as I get into the real meat and potatoes of the plot.

We shall see.

Nature Hates Me

2009-05-19T20:49:00.003-05:00

Now I can't seem to stop sleeping. Perhaps my body is simply catching up for lost time during my bout with sleeplessness. Or it's the allergens in the air attacking me at a molecular level. Exhausting my entire being with the ongoing battle. Sinus problems have been an issue for me for many, many years. Since high school I have experienced severe migraines from time to time without a form of pain relief to get me through the rough patches. The duration of these migraines haven't been nearly as bad is it has been in the past, but the pain is no less debilitating.

I have been able to solider through a bit better than those early years. There were two or three periods where I stayed primarily in bed with the lights out, shades pulled, and a blanket over my head to diffuse as much light as possible from aggravating my optic nerves. Now, unless the pain is truly immense, I pop a handful of Tylenol and hope for the best. I've been told that those large doses are similar to Vicodin and I'm probably damaging my liver or something, but it's the best weapon I have at my disposal. Those "migraine medications" don't do a damned thing for me.

My youngest sister goes through some bouts of illness not too different from my own, but she's been able to function rather well. She recently went to the doctor after a fainting spell frightened my mother to her core. It took a week to get back any results for some reason. She was told that she's allergic to nearly every tree in existence with the exception of one that grows on a remote island off the coast of Taiwan. I made that last bit up, but she is allergic to numerous trees and pollens. This is probably the source of her problems as well as mine. For some reason, no one bothered to give me an allergy test at any point in my life. The only allergy I've ever been aware of was a reaction to seafood that I had when I was a kid. After eating it I'd vomit five hours later, like clockwork. This bit of information will be an important chapter in my biography later in life. Feel free to skim through it once you inevitably pick up a copy.

I Had a Dream

2009-05-11T22:43:00.003-05:00

Earlier I awoke from a very long slumber after being up from 4pm on Friday, sleeping four hours Saturday night, getting another 4 hours Sunday morning, and then passing out around 4am Monday morning. If you do the math, that's 8 hours sleep over about 60 hours. If you follow my Twitter stream, which you can find to the right, I posted a message at the 57 hour mark and a friend sent me a message expressing his concern for my well-being. I replied with a joking Fight Club reference and then made a public one by asking, "Do you know Tyler Durden?" This was very funny to me, but watching someone use sand paper on an egg would have been humorous at that point.

In a previous post I mentioned my trouble sleeping and I haven't really been experiencing any dreams. During my 12 hour recuperative rest, I did though. Toward the end I was having this strange dream where I was at a wedding for a family member. I'm not even sure which family member it was, but it was an occasion for my family to get together. I was asked by numerous different family members what I was going to be doing now that I graduated, but I had no answers. I think this is my subconscious trying to sort things out. Looking for a direction for my life.

What did it come up with? Become a superhero. I had a Batman-like alter-ego and the church where this wedding was taking place just happened to contain the location of my secret hideout. Convenient, ain't it? As I was being asked what I was going to be doing with my life for what felt like the hundredth time, I spied a child drowning in a near-by river. I had to spring into action and save this poor soul. Yeah, it's not a scenario worthy of a super-hero movie that you see anymore, but it's something that a real-life hero may encounter. I ran up to the spire where my costume was concealed. Someone followed me up there, so the cover was blown, but as I was getting changed they kept asking me questions. My family is an inquisitive bunch. One that stuck with me was, "How do you choose your bullet-proof armor?" I responded with, "Whatever stops the bullet." A movie-worthy quip if I've heard one.

This dream was probably the result of an article that I came across discussing the existence of real-life superheroes and the recent emergence of supervillians to combat them. Becoming a superhero is a childhood dream of mine, but that dream also included the ability of flight, another similar superpower, or becoming a billionaire playboy. None of those things look like they're going to be happening though, so I'll just stick to dreaming about it.

Warm Milk Ain't Cuttin' It

2009-05-08T03:56:00.002-05:00

I've been having an incredibly difficult time sleeping the past few weeks. Even more difficulty than I normally encounter. My mind will just not stop churning ideas and thoughts. Something very disturbing came to my attention and ever since then I've been experiencing this problem. I try doing whatever I can to quiet my imagination, but there is nothing that has given me a restful nights sleep.

The only time I've been able to get a good night's rest for myself is when I simply can no longer stay conscious. I haven't found any other way to achieve sleep. Since I end up staying up 20+ hours, I often fall asleep at the "wrong" times of the day. I haven't slept at night for a few days now, but I've slowly been cycling back to it. Luckily I have no course work left for the semester.

Take right now for instance. It is 4am and although my eyes want to close, the thoughts continue swarming. At about 3am I had gotten into bed and started reading. My eyes began to droop and I was having difficulty following what I had just read. I put my book down, turned off the lights and closed my eyes. Then it began again. My thoughts bombard consciousness until I become frustrated and have to find another activity to quell them.

So, I'm trying to do a little writing. I thought about just pouring as much as I could out into this post, but then I rethought that idea. It would have been pages long, possibly a short novella, and more reveling than I'd prefer for this form of media.

I've been thinking of writing a little short story over the course of a few posts here. Something in the style of Hammet or Chandler. A small crime-noir piece that my imagination would like to ferment for a while. I've got some characters in mind, but no real story yet.

The idea for this came from following Brent Spiner's (For those who aren't geeks, he was Data in Star Trek: The Next Generation.) Twitter for the past few months. He suddenly began telling this story of himself in Hollyweird, CA. He began the story after claiming he had suffered a break down and was in a facility recovering. I don't know much about Brent Spiner's personal, but I tried finding any online evidence of him having suffered a break down or residing in any sort of facility and came up with nothing. Either his account was a fake, or he decided to try this storytelling idea. I have not seen any one else attempt this. Probably due to the 140 character limit per posting. He also spaced the postings out so it appeared as though it were happening in real-time.

At least, I'm hoping it was all a story and not some delusion that he's suffering from. Although he hasn't been given many major roles other than Data, he showed tremendous skill in portraying him. Data is easily my favorite character from the TV series and movies. I hope he gets some bigger roles on TV or film. Since I don't live in Los Angeles, I can't see him if he's in a play or something.

Well, that went nicely off-track there. Still not tired, but if you start seeing parts of a story pop up at least you'll know why.

This Isn't New

2009-05-06T12:09:00.003-05:00

Last Saturday was annual Free Comic Book Day. A day in which the big comic book publishers put together some free short stories to gain some interest for their characters that are being overlooked or to introduce the next big storyline, or "event" as they call it. It also gives local comic book shops a little boost for their sales and draws in new customers. This year was the first time that I've ever been able to get to a comic book store in order to take advantage of it. In previous years I'd either forgotten about it or couldn't find time in the day.

Over the past year I've been going to a particular store and they helped remind me of Free Comic Book Day as it drew ever closer. I've struck up a report with the owner and a few guys that work there. It's easy to refer to them as "guys" since a woman working in one of these environments is pretty rare, but that's another topic. During the past year I'd go there to pick up some comics and talk to them about the new movies or old shows and just take part in general geek-talk. Admittedly, my knowledge of some topics is pretty limited as I had tried my best to keep the geek in me buried to a degree as I was growing up. There were things that I permitted myself to enjoy, but I didn't fully embrace it until I was much older. Now I'm playing catch up.

Now to get back to what I wanted to talk about. While I was in there Saturday, there were numerous kids in the store with their parents. I could tell there were a few parents who were comic book readers trying to find something for free that their kids could read without ruining the value of a certain book from their personal collection while others were just there because they'd been pestered into taking their kids. I happened to hear one parent/kid combo at the register checking out after finding a certain comic book they had been looking for. The guy ringing them up was trying to explain that the particular copy of the comic book was a special edition and cost a little extra because of it. There was a price tag on the plastic sleeve it was placed in to protect it, but I'm not sure the parent paid any attention to it. From where I was standing and from what I heard it sounded like the price didn't matter to the parent.

It did, however, matter to the employee who looked like he was signing the comic book's death sentence. I kind of know what he was feeling, since I remember what happened to the few comic books I had as a kid. They'd get read repeatedly, thrown around, possibly used as a tracing stencil, and generally mauled. On the other hand though, I was kind of hoping the kid would do just that. I couldn't see which comic book the kid was trying to buy, but if I happened to have the same one, the value of mine was going to jump slightly. One less copy left in circulation. One step closer to being considered "rare" decades down the line.

There are very few comic books, and I mean VERY few, that will ever reach this coveted "rare" status in the future. It's not like it was when the comic book industry was in its infancy and kids beat them to hell like I once did. If you ever hear about some outrageous selling price for some really old issues of Superman, Batman, or Spider-man comic books, it is because these are truly rare. Now there are thousands, probably millions, of collectors such as myself out there keeping there stash of books in the off chance that they might be worth something in the future. It's a foolish endeavor, but at least we can gain some entertainment value from them by reading the tales of childhood heroes that never die.

Unless some sadistic writer comes along and kills them, but they inevitably come back to life eventually.

Checklist for Adulthood

2009-04-30T12:24:00.001-05:00

I'm 27, so yes I'm an adult. There were some things that I had thought as a kid that I would need to accomplish in order to consider myself one. I can't remember them all, but the list below is a pretty good indicator of what else the previous checklist may have included.

1. Able to grow a bitchin' beard.
2. Drive a car.
3. Have a credit card.
4. Know how to tie a necktie.
5. Buy a beer and like it.
6. Have a college degree.

I can now say that I've checked off those 6 things, and probably all of the other items my childhood checklist consisted of.

Yes, I received confirmation that I passed my class. The whole "getting fired" thing had me on edge, and at the end of class Wednesday we hadn't gotten any "yay" or "nay" from our teacher. We hadn't finished the entire "boardroom" meeting process that I mentioned a few posts prior, so we were curious as to whether any of our necks remained on the chopping block. So, I approached him after class and asked him bluntly, "Will there be any firings?"

My teacher just held out his hand and congratulated me. He was impressed with my final paper and the multiple pages of appendices, my answers during the "boardroom" process, and the presentation that I had to give. The presentation caught me off guard since word on the street is that only the top performing teams actually presented anything. I hadn't gone over it meticulously because of the false rumors. I soldiered through it though, and my teammates were happy with it.

Next comes the job search. Guess I'll have to start putting together a "Checklist for Retirement" now...

It All Comes Down to This

2009-04-28T19:53:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I find out if I will be graduating. One more class period that will determine if I can go on to the next step, or I'll be forced to repeat this past semester. Obviously, I'm nervous.

I was having the same butterflies Sunday night that I'm experiencing now, but once it came to class they had dissipated. There's plenty of time to worry about what might happen and run through a hundred different scenarios. Then, for some reason I put it all out of my head once I'm there. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I can analyze the situation all I want, but it doesn't really prepare you for the actual event.

It's frustrating. There's a certain level of helplessness that comes to mind when facing situations that you put so much time into preparing for. Unless you're able to control every aspect of the situation, you just have to feel confident that things will go smoothly.

This is probably the last thing my teacher is trying to test us on. Early in the semester my teacher had told us that upon graduating we were supposed to be fit to run a company. Those positions come with immense responsibilities and pressure. It's kind of a difficult thing to gauge, but what better way than to threaten your students with the possibility of failure? It's the same in the real world. The only time we can see how an individual will perform under pressure is if something truly valuable is placed on the line. I can't blame him for creating this situation. Unless he actually fails me, of course.

That's It

2009-04-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

If the past eight years haven't been enough of an indicator of the over-inflated prices for gas, Exxon-Mobil is now at the top of the Fortune 500 list. Next to shady banking practices, the gasoline industry is among the top of my most hated industries in existence. It's really not difficult for a company/industry to make it on to that list. Greed is one of the worst qualities a person can have.

I must really be out of practice as far as writing goes, because I had some more thoughts pertaining to this topic but they seem to have dissipated into the stratosphere. I think it was going to be more complaining, though. That's another quality that people should avoid, so I won't be doing that.

Here's the article that sparked this post: Link

Busy Busy Busy

2009-04-19T00:22:00.002-05:00

I've had a strenuous couple of weeks with school. My mind has been fixated on graduation. I'm just a few weeks away and under different circumstances I'd be much more confident, but the way my last mandatory class is structured I'm unsure. I've done well in the class, completed all of the work, but there's one portion that has me worried.

My professor has had us working in teams on a simulated industry during the semester. My team had been performing well with the strategy we'd devised at the outset, but within the last few "years" our company slipped. We started making changes, but the simulation ended before the changes made a substantial impact. Admittedly, we made a few mistakes along the way, but nothing detrimental. In a week we have to present our simulated company to a "boardroom" comprised of the rest of the class. My professor will be questioning us on the decisions we made and strategies we employed. During this meeting it is possible for my professor to fire/fail anyone who he deems "unsuitable" to graduate. This leaves a large gray area and no one can tell where the boundaries lie other than him.

Although the mistakes made can possibly lead me to a firing, my team also took part in a national competition based on the same simulation. We finished in 22nd place out of the 80 teams that completed the entire simulation and only one other team from my school finished higher. It may give us a better standing with my professor in the boardroom meeting since we'd corrected many of the mistakes made during the class sim. The meeting consists primarily of the class simulation, but he's made clear throughout the semester that extra activities will be brought up during that time.

So, needless to say, I've been very preoccupied the past few weeks. Writing has been one of the last things on my mind, except for the numerous papers that were due. Over the past few days I've had an epiphany on a previous project that I'd put on the back-burner for a very long time. Something I've been working on for years, but couldn't find the correct narrative. I think I've solved that problem and hope to work on it after I graduate while I try to find employment.

It's a Psychological Test

2009-03-25T22:20:00.000-05:00

I want to organize a parade. I'll send out notices to high school marching bands, Shriners, and float makers with a specified starting location, date and time. I'll make up some kind of theme for the parade. Something generic enough to appease most people, but not too much so that it fails to get people to attend. Then I'll leave them to their own devices.

Why? Curiosity. If they're told it's a parade, will they still march or wait for someone to tell them what to do? Would these groups that put time and effort into preparing for this non-existent parade just throw their hands into the air and say, "Oh well"? Without a planned route or end point, would anyone be bold enough to take the lead and start marching? Sure, traffic problems would arise, but wouldn't it be possible that police may actually show up and start blocking off the roads to ensure that this parade that came out of nowhere doesn't have any casualties?

Who would emerge as the sheep, and who would be the herder?

$11 Trillion: What Do You Do With a Drunken Banker?

2009-03-24T07:19:00.000-05:00

This drunken banker's poison of choice is power, though. The difference between a banker drunk on power and alcohol is that one shouts, "I'm the king of the world," and he means that all his cares have been forgotten thanks to a bottle, and the other one shouts it because he really is the king of the world--Except for Madoff. And he owes it all to a government that let him do whatever the fuck he wanted to.

I've been trying hard to fully grasp the situation with AIG and some of the other banking firms that were "just too important to allow to fail" and I wanted to write a post showing why the economy went down the crapper. I made little notes on various scraps of paper here on my desk, and in my moleskin notebook, as I read more and more tidbits of information about this reason and that cause and the actions of this guy. All I know, though, is as much as any other person who has access to the news. We only know as much as the news sources are able to tell us. They only know as much as the sources are willing to divulge. The sources only know as much as what they were involved in. Leaving a large portion of what happened and why it continues to happen behind closed doors.

I'm still a huge proponent for President Obama, but I feel he's made a detrimental mistake in keeping Henry Paulson and Timothy Geithner on staff. They were both chosen because they had knowledge of the situation which came from being a part of the closed door procedings. They helped perpetuate the downward spiral over the past few years. Congressmen and woman have been laying the ground work for this collapse for years, but they somehow keep getting reelected.

I've been trying to write another sentence. I find myself repeating the thoughts and words of dozens of articles that I've read recently. I'm frustrated. I'm fed up with the greed. I'm tired of the corruption. I'm tired of seeing those with political affiliations ruining the lives of millions and walking away with a slap on the wrist. Bernie Madoff should be an example to all the people that have used other people's money to earn a quick buck. Then every one of them should be thrown in jail and introduced to the guys on Cell Block C.

I've Got a Little Moleskin Notebook

2009-03-22T07:05:00.002-05:00

I had this small notebook that, when I remembered to pocket it, I would write in if some thought or fancy passed into my full consciousness (read: It made it through all of the other thoughts swirling about.) and I wanted to be sure I remembered it at a later time. It drives me crazy sometimes when I remember having this great idea that was either really funny, to me mostly, or seemed incredibly intelligent, only to me. I had forgotten to put this notebook in my pocket so often that the day finally came that I thought I should just keep it in my back pocket at all times.

Then came the problem with what to write with. It's hard to carry a pen or pencil around when you don't have a bag to carry it in. They inevitably break or stab me when I have one in my pocket. Due to not being able to write anything in this notebook I forgot it was in my back pocket and ended up throwing it into the wash with my laundry. It had a large percentage of the pages when it went in, and when it came out I could only find the spiraled wire and millions of pieces of cardboard and paper that appeared to be embedded into the very fabric of my wardrobe.

So, to avoid forgetting a notebook again, I purchased a slightly more expensive moleskin notebook. I've even found a way to attach a pen to it by sliding the clip in the small gap that exists in the spine. No I've got no excuse to allow those thoughts to escape me. Unless I'm driving. It's impossible to write and drive at the same time without incurring the wrath of dozens of already angered motorists.

Long story short, I've got ideas brewing for posts. I just haven't taken the time to commit them to prose form. I'm not even sure that's a proper way to describe this. Perhaps "blog form" would suffice, but that seems to simplistic. "Rant form" is probably the most fitting term. Or "bullshit."

I Blew My Wad on the Imagery Within. No Title This Time.

2009-03-13T17:30:00.002-05:00

I took a nap on my floor to be sure it'd be as incredibly uncomfortable as possible. I wanted to avoid sleeping too long. Anyway, I woke up and immediately knew how I felt. I felt just like a baby giraffe who had just been born, dropped six feet to the ground in a heap, and forced to stand up and walk immediately. The image was perfect except I wasn't covered in placental after-birth.

I Loathe Daylight Savings Time

2009-03-08T09:29:00.002-05:00

As I sit here watching the sunlight dancing on the floor before me, I ask, "Why?" Why do we use this antiquated, time-altering system? When our society was agriculturally based, I see the reason for it. Now, it seems to be nothing more than tradition.

I didn't even bother going to sleep last night. My sleep schedule is so screwed up as it is, that losing another hour was something that I sure as shit didn't need. I've tried to do this over weekends past where I stayed up all night and as long as I could into the next day in an attempt to fix this sleep problem. It hasn't worked though. I'm hoping that this lost hour will actually come in handy for once.

If you're wondering what I do during these extended nights, I color in my coloring book. I'm being completely serious about that too. Crayola crayons and Prismacolor colored pencils. I'd use markers, but I'd like to color every page and the markers ruin the picture with it's bleeding.

I'm No Dr. Doolittle

2009-03-06T16:22:00.002-06:00

Today I left the house to run some quick errands. About three minutes into my trip I see something on the hood of my car. I thought it was a leaf, but it didn't float away. Suddenly, it looked at me! I had the Geiko gecko walking around on my hood.

I didn't have far to go on my drive, but the entire time I was intently watching this little lizard and the road. I wanted to make sure he didn't fly off and get hit by a car. Every time I stopped for a light I wanted to look over to the car next to me and point at my hood while shouting, "Look at that little guy!" I thought it would appear a bit psychotic if I was pointing and shouting out someone, especially in a car. That's how road rage starts.

When I got to my destination I took a picture of it with my phone, which I'd share, but it costs too much and I don't feel like shelling out the extra dough for your pleasure. I'm a cheap bastard. I was hoping the lizard would be there when I got back so I could return it to its habitat near my house. He was gone though.

I've had a number of animals, other lizards and frogs, on my car before. These other unfortunate souls happened to pick days to explore my car when I needed to use the highway.

I also ran over a snake once, purely on accident. I tried to just drive over him, but he was much longer than I anticipated. I think a bird ate 'em.

The Mind Unraveling Like a Threadbare Sweater

2009-02-21T18:32:00.002-06:00

The other day I saw a comment (It wasn't to one of my posts.) and she was listing some strange things that she had seen in a dream that kind of gave her the heebie-jeebies. One of them stuck with me though; a bunch of random kids that she didn't recognize. I've read and heard quite a bit about the happenings of the subconscious while you sleep. There's a few different theories that I find interesting and each has a certain level of merit.

One that made me think about the "random faces" my friend was experiencing is that while sleeping, the mind will go through a "compiling" process, if you will, of all the information that it took in since the last time you slept. If you stop and think about all of the stimuli that you're subjected to over the course of a day, it can be quite overwhelming. While walking about town you could see hundreds of different faces and, although you couldn't pick one person out from another, the image of their face, clothing, and mannerisms has stuck with you somewhere among your synapses. Just watching TV or looking around the Internet for different bits of info will load your brain with facts and figures that, if you're like me, will most likely never be able to recall if asked about them.

As I thought about the "random faces" some more, I started to think about some of the more memorable dreams I've had. The only people that really stood out were those that I interacted with. The rest were just generic people, but they constantly changed. It was a lot like the idea of the scramble suit in Philip K. Dick's book A Scanner Darkly. Undercover narcotics agents would wear full-body suits that projected images of thousands of randomly generated people at a time. It was to protect each of the agents identities and blowing their covers. The movie did a pretty good job of showing this.

This images this suit creates is very similar to the way I see background characters in my dreams. The only difference is that the gender and race are the same, but features are melded together and gradually change. I wonder if Dick got his idea from the suit from his dreams, or if I'm just a crazy guy whose brain is constantly in a state of flux? I don't sleep that well, so the latter could definitely be a viable scenario.

Three Hundred

2009-02-12T13:54:00.002-06:00

There is one tale that shares this title about 300 Spartan warriors fighting an insurmountable horde to their death. This tale is nothing near that epic, or has anything to do with the number 300. There just happen to be 299 posts that have been published prior to this, meaning that this is number 300. Have you grasped the enormity of this occasion yet?

300.

I was trying to think of what I could possibly write about that would be worthy of this milestone. I could just continue creating posts along a similar vein as I always have, or come up with something truly brilliant. This could be considered somewhere in the middle ground. It's an embarrassing story from my childhood! Then I'll wrap it up with a moral! How fun will that be?!?

This will go back about 20 years, when I was 8, maybe as old as 10. It was a day trip with my family on a beautiful summer day. The sun was beaming and the only clouds in the sky were tiny cotton balls floating by on the light breeze strolling through. The plan was to spend the day at a family friend's lake house swimming, sunning, and BBQing. A perfectly normal, Summer trip for a family that doesn't live by the ocean, right?

These friends of the family we were seeing were friends of my parents in college and, in my dad's case, high school. So, we were all pretty familiar with each other, although we didn't get together too often. A few of them had kids, but I was the oldest one. Remember that fact: me = oldest kid of the group. Got it?

The lake was man-made. Near the house there was a large deck and a sandy beach, but the rest of the lake's surroundings consisted of large-grade gravel. Think gravel with larger rocks. There was also shrubbery and sparse, short trees. Maybe they were just very spindly, long-limbed bushes. It's been 20 years, so minor details are not as crisp as they once were.

One of the highlights of the trip was getting to see a jet ski in action. Before that, I'd just seen them on TV. A few of the adults were taking it for a spin around the lake and a few would take their kids out with them. Nearly every boy had gone out and then one of them offered to take me out. My dad is a tall guy, for those who don't know, and he didn't want to get his dangling feet torn up by the speeding water. I was hesitant because even to this day I'm not a very strong swimmer. I can tread water and move toward shore if need be, but at an incredibly slow pace. I also have this fear of bodies of water that I can't see through clearly.

My dad, however, felt I was beyond just simply riding on some one's back while shooting across this large, murky puddle. He quickly piped up and assured everyone within earshot that I was mature enough (read: tall) to drive this jet ski and possibly pull off some tricks that we'd seen on TV. That last part isn't entirely true, but couldn't you see a father looking at his eldest son and seeing the potential to be anything and everything? Since I had yet to prove a true talent in anything physical, maybe mine would be jet skiing? Shit, Tiger Woods was gripping golf clubs in the crib! I was already 10 and losing my window of opportunity to be a sport prodigy.

Being hesitant about just going for a ride, you can imagine the thoughts swarming my young imagination. Many of them were admittedly kick ass beyond belief. I was pulling off those stunts I'd seen half a dozen times on TV. It looked so simple! Just how hard could this really be? As I began to get a crash course in the mechanics of this advanced piece of technology, I was starting to feel better about the idea of driving. Okay, the throttle makes you go. Got it. There's a kill switch in case you get into a situation that freaked you out too much, but I put that out of my mind quickly due to the thoughts of carnage it conjured. Then there's the "turbo" button. Fuck yeah! That's like showing a kid a sparkler and then the destructive force of an M-80. The sparkler's for those pussies who hold on to adults while riding jet skis. I'm M-80 material now. Bring on the fucking turbo!!

I begin to wade out toward the jet ski when someone suggested I put on a life vest. Adrenaline had warped my brain's common sense and I looked back at my source of confidence, Dad, with the classic kid, "Do I hafta?" look. A slow nod was what I was given, and I begrudgingly snapped it on. I climbed aboard and I know my dad yelled something to me, but I can't remember what the hell it was. Think of any bad-ass line from "Top Gun" and that will suffice. That's what I was feeling in my 10 year-old balls anyway. "I've got the need... for speed!" is what my balls were shouting to the rest of my vital organs. They all being drunk on adrenaline responded with a resounding, "Fuck yeah, we do!" My guts, have shit for brains. It took me a long time to figure that out though.

I get pointed out toward the middle of the lake and a vast runway for me to take off from. I awaited the countdown to launch from my flight crew and then torqued the throttle back as far as I could. I waited until I had put enough space between me and the shore before slamming my thumb on the turbo. It wasn't the boost that I was expecting, but it was sufficient for my roaring little testicles.

It took me less time than I anticipated to cross a majority of the lake. With the opposite shore approaching I began to turn. Except, the direction I was heading was not changing. I approached the driving technique as being similar to that used when steering a motorcycle. Not that I'd driven one, but the need to lean was what I had brought to the table. It was not until the shore was terrifyingly close that I realized that as I leaned, I was raising the rudder (or whatever it's called on a jet ski) out of the water. With my balls now shrieking like a two year-old girl, I was becoming frantic and quickly corrected my mistake and twisted the handlebars to turn me away from the shore as quickly as I could. I began my turn, but it was creating a wider arc than I needed.

I quickly hit the graveled shore. In my current state of fear, I had the handlebars in a death grip that I wasn't about to loosen. As I skimmed along the gravel, much of what I saw was a blur. A bush did make a brief and clear appearance in my eye line, though. Running over this bush - yes, I ran over a bush - must have knocked me back toward the water, because I suddenly began to experience a much less-rocky ride. Literally. I had somehow made it from water, to land, back to water without experiencing a scratch.

I had also gotten the hang of how to turn, but the rest of the crowd, who had been shouting since they noticed I wasn't turning initially, had not become aware of that. I was completely oblivious to their screams because the noise of the jet ski and then the jet ski hitting the rocks was much too loud for me to hear anything else. So as a joke, I headed toward the deck, which had an outcropping over the lake. As I came closer to the deck I could see many of the adults' faces and each face was telling me, "This insane little fucker is going to slam into this deck and kill himself if he doesn't hit the kill switch!!!" At the last second, I swerved, released the turbo and throttle, and then coasted to the spot where I started.

My parents grabbed me up and just held onto me, checking every inch of my body to make sure that their eyes were not lying to them. It didn't take too long for the horror to wear off. Then the whole incident then became a joke. The next day of course. I kept to myself during the reminder of our trip to the lake and I have no idea how much damage I did to that jet ski. It still ran, obviously, but I'm sure it had an insane number of dents and scratches on it, though. That bush wasn't growing back either.

So, I promised you a moral after this story. Did you pick up on it already? No, it's not that your guts have shit for brains. I would have kept that line for the end if that was my nugget of knowledge that I would by passing on to you. The true moral here is: Don't listen to your parents.

Yeah, I said it.

Twitter 101

2009-02-01T12:04:00.006-06:00

I've been Twittering for a few weeks now. That's the little doohickey off to the side that lets you know what I'm doing. Depending, of course, on the availability of my laptop or I happen to remember that I can update it with my cellphone.

For those not familiar with it, Twitter always you to follow users that you know, celebrities, news sources or just anyone that seems to update some interesting information. I've got 65 individuals that I'm following, but a few of them are different departments of news outlets. I think I've got five different NASA-based Twitter threads. If you haven't heard of it during a discussion of "hot new technologies" already, I'm sure you will soon.

Since I've started using Twitter I've noticed a variety of different styles that everyone uses. There is the obvious news item that is listed much like a headline and with a link included, sometimes. Some individuals just post a link, expecting a follower to click on it not knowing what may by awaiting for them on the other side. It's truly a gamble depending on the person who posts it. That's one reason for knowing the kind of person you decide to trust when clicking a link with no description. It can be pretty... scary at times.

Then there are those, like myself, that will post their current activities or thoughts. I've even used some of my Tweets as post ideas. They're saved as drafts on here. I'm just saving them for the right time to unleash my genius unto the digital world.

I follow a few folks that type out long monologues or conversations with themselves, which is a little mundane or weird. It can also be difficult to follow, because you can only enter 140 characters for an individual update. Many of these rants can go on and on, taking up to as many as eight updates. One Twitter user in particular, though, is pretty entertaining when it comes to these one-sided conversations. Wil Wheaton, who was a child actor in the 80s and early 90s and has since gone on to writing, will create conversations with inanimate objects or his pet dog.

As I continue using it I realize that I continue to draw myself further into a digitized existence. I now have one more tool to keep in touch with people without actually having to call or write a personal message in any way. Perhaps the Pope was right...

Nah.

Next post will be number 300. I should have passed that mark long ago.

I Felt Warm and Fuzzy

2009-01-29T13:38:00.003-06:00

Earlier this week I had ventured to a nearby arts and crafts store to pick up some supplies for my painting class. I found what I needed and then stood in the painting aisle for awhile trying to see if there was anything else I may need in the coming months. Not knowing what lies ahead for me I picked up nothing else, but I stood there for a good twenty minutes perusing everything. I had tried getting everything for the class a week ago and just stood there with no idea what to by and did the standing-around-thing for an hour easy. Luckily my teacher took most of us to a store near campus to get the basics.

As I was looking around this week, with a slightly better idea of what I was doing, when a woman in her forties walked up to me with a quizzical look on her face. She meekly asked, "Are you an artist?" I stammered and said, "Sort of, but if you have an easy question I might be able to answer it for you." Of course, I couldn't answer it. I can perform a certain level of artistic duties, but my limit can be reached quite easily. Her question easily surpassed it. I'm hoping that this painting class will help elevate that limit, even if it's by a small amount.

My hippie/beatnik appearance is, obviously, fulfilling its purpose. I prefer my "look" not because of this though. I just don't like shaving and keeping my hair long keeps me from having to go in for monthly haircuts. Needless to say, I'm really lazy.

I'll Be Cutting Back a Little

2009-01-22T10:04:00.003-06:00

Classes for my final semester started yesterday. I've got one class that will be very work intensive and then a painting class that will take up more of my time while I'm on campus. I've got five different paintings that I need to do and since I haven't painted since high school, I'm not sure how that will go. The final project will be a self-portrait. Yikes. I'm looking forward to the challenge, even if my fears of having them all turn out to be crap come true.

You may be wondering why I failed to write anything Tuesday about the inauguration. I had a few thoughts that I wanted to go over, but I didn't want to take too much of my attention away from it. I've never watched an inauguration before. I was expecting it to be long, but didn't realize the major news channels would turn it into an all-day affair. I did happen to see some clips of Fox News and they decided to cover everything that the Bush's did before leaving and then after they arrived in Midland, TX. Way to cover history guys! I did enjoy how they claimed that people were waving and cheering as Bush's helicopter flew over the capital. Somehow, I don't think the folks on the ground were sharing the same sentiment that the corespondents at Fox News were feeling. I would have waved and cheered too, because the asshole's finally gone. I would have helped back them up. And I hate packing.

I am excited for the changes to come. I hope they can come about sooner than later. No Child Left Behind can't be left behind quickly enough, though.

P.S.
I'm coming up on my 3ooth post!

UPDATE:
Wow, Git-Mo is gone already! I just finished posting this when I saw an article about it. Say, "So long," to the Dick Cheney Memorial Torture Resort!

Attempting to Better Myself

2009-01-19T09:08:00.002-06:00

For weeks now I've had this idea to wear weights on my body all day long in an attempt to exercise without actually exercising. I was looking at different styles of wearable weights online and found a variety of items that would help me achieve this goal. This past weekend I dug out a pair of old ankle weights, five pounds each, and decided to try this theory out. If you're curious, I'm still wearing them now.

Sunday was the big test. I went out to the mall to see what kind of deals were being offered at the now bankrupt Circuit City. I've never liked that store. I'm a Best Buy man. There was a Circuit City store near where I used to live in St. Louis County that was very dark and uninviting. The sales associates were all pretty creepy too. They would follow you around or have their eye on you in the distance at all times. Their bright red shirts brought to mind the images of vampires covered in the blood of their latest commission. Best Buy folks will do that too, but with the bright lights it was easy to spot them, and they only followed you around if you looked like a person that could actually buy something of value. I do not fall into that category. I fall into the "Looks like that guys going to steal something" category, and that entails an entirely different style of stalking.

Enough of that, though. Back to the weights. The trip to the mall ended up being a trek around the entire complex and it's not a small building. I built up a sweat due to the poor choice in clothing and the workout that I was getting from trying to avoid working out. Luckily, my legs aren't sore, but I'm wondering if I'm getting any added benefit from this. Unless I go on long walks like I did the other day, the impact is unperceived. It's harder to go up stairs, but how often can one do that in a given day?

I'm tempted to search out heavier weights and see what wrist and hands weights will do to my everyday routines. I've also found a forty pound vest, with removable weights, that seems like it may provide the challenge I'm looking for. I do have a problem of overdoing it when I work out. Years ago I was enrolled in a strength training course at the community college I was going to and I would very often overexert myself. I wanted to make sure I was getting the most out of my workout by exhausting myself. From what I've seen on Biggest Loser, that's common. That can't be too healthy though.

If anyone noticed, the idea for wearing weights all day is very similar to the Vonnegut short story "Harrison Bergeron," which I read as a small lad. I remember parts of it from time to time, but I didn't really notice the similarities in my idea and the story until my dad pointed it out. The similarities end at the weights though. I'm not a genius or exceptionally handsome.

Let This Be a Lesson

2009-01-17T14:20:00.001-06:00

A few years ago some friends and I would go to our bar and play a drinking game version of spoons. Somehow, the person who lost first ended up losing more and more as the night went on...

Anyway, one night while playing an odd looking individual came up behind one of the ladies. Picture a guy in an Hawaiian shirt with full-moon sweat stains, wrinkled khaki pants, and loafers with no socks. Oh, and the coup de grace, enough cologne to choke a pig covered in its own filth. By his stagger, I could tell that he'd been having a bit of fun inside before approaching us. We were in between games and he swooped in and grabbed the deck of cards from the table. We all eyed the guy for the brashness of his behavior, and catching wind of this he launched into his spiel. He was a salesman. Strike one, sir.

I don't remember what he sold, but none of us were buying it. It was obvious he was trying to make an impression on the ladies, because if any of them ever said a word to him he zoned in on her like a mosquito to a bug-zapper. As he was regaling us with stories of his sales he clumsily shuffled the deck in his hands. It was one of those half-assed shuffles where you take half the deck and then mash the two back together. Effective to a degree, but very awkward looking in the hands of a drunkard. Then mid sentence, he fanned out the deck and thrust the cards toward the direction of one of my female friends who was closest too him. While not breaking the stride of his one-sided conversation he told her to pick a card. Oh boy! A salesman that does magic. Strike two.

Continuing on with his boring tales, he interspersed it all with directions for my friend to play along with his impromptu magic show. I will give him credit for keeping his story coherent as well as being able to give the directions for the trick. My friend was then asked to place the card, let's say it was a ten of clubs, back in the deck. He then reshuffled, this time in a slightly-more deliberate fashion. Then as he was finishing his story of his latest sale, he produced a card and asked, "Is this the one?" Nope. Sorry boy-o. Strike Thr-"This one?"

No. Stri-"How about now?"

NO! STRIKE THREE, YOU'RE OUT!

He knew he had failed, but he still gave us one of his cards. Only one, as if to say, "Hey ladies, I may not have impressed you with my magic, but I have a feeling you'll all be fighting over this number come night's end." With a wave of his hand he bid us farewell and walked off into the night. Then I made a paper airplane out of his card and sent it sailing after him. It was the only humane thing to do. Salesmen that do magic are sad individuals. Or more appropriately, those who don't do magic.

Had I Known the Dangers

2009-01-15T12:28:00.000-06:00

When I was very young, perhaps 8 or 9, I was watching some afternoon television and enjoying a bag of pretzels. It was a delicious bag of pretzels and, probably, a pretty bad show. At that tender age though, it's impossible to know what passes for good programming. Bad television and eating a bag of junk food go hand in hand. It's unavoidable.

I had finished the bag of pretzels and craved more. (I guess I should mention that I didn't eat the entire bag. I didn't acquire than habit until well into my teens.) There were no more pretzels in the house and so I looked into the bag with longing, hoping to find a stray pretzel that I might have missed. There was a pile of salt at the bottom and I stuck a finger into it and pushed around to see if there was anything hidden. Again, no such luck.

As I pulled my finger out of the bag, there were some grains of salt that had stuck to the tip. I licked it off and had my cravings met, for a moment. I wasn't craving the pretzel itself, just the saltiness that contained a hint of a buttery flavor. I had wet the tip of my finger and plunged it back into the salt pile for the tastes that my tongue was striving to experience. It was not enough though.

I tipped my head back and poured the salt from the bag directly into my mouth. It was a horrible idea, and I instantly realized it after doing it. I didn't have a drink at hand and the salt instantly sucked up all the moisture in my mouth and throat. I swallowed and shortly after my chest felt like an elephant was stepping on it. My vision narrowed and, although I was only 8 or 9, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. The dryness that I was feeling in my mouth spread to the rest of my body.

My body kicked into survival mode and started pumping the extra salt out as quickly as possible. The problems I began to experience disappeared and I quickly got a drink to help combat the dehydration I induced upon myself. I didn't come through the experience entirely unscathed though. Since that day I have lost all sensation in my little toes.

Mmm... Pie

2009-01-13T16:04:00.000-06:00

I saw "Waitress" a few weeks ago on TV with my dad. It was pretty enjoyable. I couldn't connect with the main character, or much of the story, because I don't have ovaries, but it was still a funny movie. I'd recommend it to couples who are in a movie mood, but just can't figure out what to watch. He wants to watch something with a lot of explosions and liberal use of the word "Fuck," while she wants something that will get him in touch with his feminine side. I assume that's what women want men to feel when they ask to see "chick flicks."

This "chick flick" only made me sorry to have a penis a handful of times. It's not like some of them where, as I watch, I can sense a growing accumulation of estrogen in the air and if I don't remove myself from the room, I will be the victim of ritual castration. "Steel Magnolias" comes to mind as one of those films.

After watching "Waitress," the only thing I really wanted to do was bake a pie. Or find a place that I could find one of the pies that the main character created during the course of the film. Andy Griffith did a great job of making me desire a piece of pie as he described the way his entire week revolved around the day when a certain pie was available. I don't know if any other elderly actor could have done a comparable job with those lines.

So, guys, don't roll your eyes too much if your girlfriend or wife suggests "Waitress" as your movie night pick. You'll laugh, she may cry, but at the end you'll...

Crap, I seem to have lost my testicles.

Milk Came Out of My Nose

2009-01-11T09:42:00.001-06:00

I wasn't even drinking anything. Wrap that around your noodle.

I was checking out the Fail Blog to see what kinds of updates they had lately. Many of them were idiots who neglected to mind the size of their vehicle or putting their car into park before getting out. Then there was this guy:

Hopefully you watched it before you read further. I have no idea what the guy said, but his shriek as a few thousands volts surged through his body was fantastic. I watched it five more times, skipping over the first 30 seconds, and laughed heartily every time.

I Crushed the Skull of a Bear

2009-01-10T10:36:00.001-06:00

It was a bearskin rug, but I still smashed it good. The owner was pissed and I punctured my foot with some of the bear's teeth, but I never felt more like a man.

That is all.

"Clean" Coal

2009-01-09T08:40:00.003-06:00

Being a supporter of President Obama and hearing him speak on the topic of clean coal technology was painful for me. I wasn't familiar with it, but I knew that no matter how "clean" it was it was still going to wreak some havoc on the environment. Shortly after the election I received an email from an online organization known as Reality. I had received it because I belonged to the We Campaign, which is working to spread the knowledge of global warming and what individuals can do to minimize their impact.

When I first went to see Reality's site, I had no idea what it was. It had a canary flying on screen and then it flew head first into some facts. It laid limp on the ground, but then I was able to click it again. I thought it was some kind of strange animal rights site. The canary repeatedly flew into fact after fact, each one poking holes in the "clean" coal that had now gained momentum thanks to Obama's victory.

Since then I've also seen their television commercial. I'm sure you've seen it too. A guy in a hard hat is about to take you on a tour of a "clean" coal plant. He opens a door, and there's nothing on the other side. He pretends he's inside a plant by yelling over the machines that would be running if a clean coal plant actually existed. I didn't quite get it at first, due to the fact that I hadn't heard what he was giving a tour of. Not sure how many folks thought the same thing.

A few weeks ago, a small area of Tennessee was polluted with tons of coal ash. I had never heard of coal ash before. I never gave any thought to what other byproducts coal burning had, other than the thick plumes of smoke I'd seen from smoke stacks. As a kid I thought of them as cigarettes that the earth was smoking. If you see one, tilt your head to the side and tell me you don't see the same thing. This toxic sludge has destroyed many homes and contaminated the soil and surrounding water supplies. Just take a look at the damage and the area it's engulfed:

I'm hoping that with the evidence that this disaster brings to light, that President Obama will change his stance and switch to renewable sources of energy as his goal for the future. I ask you all to take a look at Reality and pass it along if you know others who would be interested in joining the cause, even if it's not something you wish to get involved in.

The Difficulty With Innovation

2009-01-08T13:09:00.000-06:00

For those of you that don't know, I'm a bearded man. I've had this beard for many years now. It's varied in length and there were a few times where I thought it'd be a "good" idea to shave it off. I realized my mistake quickly, though. I just don't feel like myself unless I have a beard now. I'm sure that would change over time if I ever decide to shave daily, but that's not happening any time soon.

I do encounter some trouble with this beautiful face of fluffy fuzz. It is difficult to keep it from getting too unruly. When I start trimming it I have to readjust the length constantly. Because I screw it up and cut a little too much off in an area and have to compensate. I have an electric trimmer and that trimmer has a guard that allows me to adjust to different lengths, but sometimes it slips. It's not perfect, but it's the best I've got.

Another problem I have is controlling all of the trimmings from getting into every nook and cranny of my sink. I can't avoid this if I wish to keep my beard manageable. It must be trimmed. Luckily, I thought of a simple solution. I take a large towel and drape it over my sink to catch it all. It's a great little system and it keeps me from washing it all down the drain, creating a possible clog.

I failed to think about what I'd do with all the clippings once I had them all corralled in the towel though. I have a tiny trash can that doesn't all ow me to dump them in there. I tried the toiled, but then I ended up with trimmings all over my toilet seat and the surrounding floor. I also shook it out, for some reason, to get as many hairs as I could out of the towel before washing it. That didn't help the problem with the strays littering my toilet.

Innovations always have room for improvement.

If I Had an Interesting Life...

2009-01-07T04:39:00.002-06:00

I came across this very simple webcomic yesterday. The concept was that the writer would add a panel to his strip every hour. It's pretty entertaining, even if there are a few panels that consist of little more than showering, doing dishes, or playing video games. It's not even drawn well. All the characters are stick figures. Somehow, I find myself reading strip after strip. Luckily, he only seems to stick to it for a month out of each year.

Seeing this strip makes me wish I had a more interesting daily routine. Without school, work, or a social life, my hourly strip would consist of a lot of TV watching and the recounting of a strange dream I may have remembered from the night before. In last night's dream, for instance, I was driving down a road and swerved to hit a kitten. I pulled over to save the kitten when I found dozens of kittens on the road and some had already been squished. Luckily, they were all beanie babies.

My subconscious worries me.

Call of Guilt

2009-01-06T01:14:00.000-06:00

There's a part of me that experiences a sense of longing for adventure when I see a picture of any heavily wooded forests. I don't know why. I don't enjoy camping. That's due to the physical limitations I possess. Perhaps those feelings flood into me because it's something that I can't do. Perhaps it's the romanticized writings and movies I've read and seen.

I happened to catch the beginning of a documentary about a young man and woman who attend a camp to learn how to live in the wilderness without the assistance of modern amenities. It would have been really interesting if it didn't have the MTV spin on it. They tend to focus more on the conflicts that these two experience. It's why I dislike their programs intensely. I was hoping it would show more of the things they learned. They probably made it as an attempt to cash in on the popularity of Into the Wild.

The young woman was talking to the camera while driving around town before she went to the camp and mentioned her feelings of guilt each time she used her car or used materials that were non-recyclable. I too experience similar feelings and wonder what I could do to limit the environmental damage I cause. I feel strongly about global warming and the over-use of fossil fuels. I passed some piles of garbage bags and saw that there was a VCR among them. I know that, if brought to the proper facility, that it could be recycled, but I wasn't in a position to walk off with it and take care of it myself. It's incredibly frustrating when I think of all of the medical supplies that can't be recycled, but that gets to me on a few levels.

The problem with trying to do most of these things is the cost. Purchasing and installing solar panels is very expensive. Hybrid cars are dropping in price, but I don't have the money for a new car. Texas' recycling program is a joke...

Ever since I saw that "documentary" I've been thinking about my ability to survive in a world without modern conveniences. It's all hypothetical thinking though, since I require a few of them to live. However, these situations all revolve around zombie apocalypses. This is due more to the entertainment that I've deluged my mind with.

I don't have precognitive abilities. Don't worry.

An Ad Flaw

2009-01-05T10:44:00.001-06:00

I caught a Match.com commercial while wasting time and working on my love handles in which a woman was explaining her reasons for using their service. She begins by stating her embarrassment for using it to meet people and not wanting her friends to find out. That's understandable. Friends would probably try to set you up with a friend, or had already, and that can be a little weird if things don't go well. "How was the date with Phil? I've known him for years and he's like a brother to me." "Oh, it was okay. By the way, did you know he was a Nazi?" Awkwardness all around.

The next reason she gave for using Match.com was because she didn't have the time to date. I'm going to let that sink in for a minute. She didn't have time to date.

Then how the hell does she expect to meet that "special someone" if she doesn't have time for that? Sorry to break it to you, but dating is something that takes a LOT of time. You can't just have a computer say "This guy's perfect for you," and then expect marriage, 2.7 kids, a dog/cat, and happily ever after. If it were that easy, Match.com would be making billions a year.

I believe what would be perfect for her, is a fish. They aren't time intensive, they're always there when you get home, and if you get into a fight with it you could have a nice dinner and get a new one for $5. Maybe Match.com is really a service for ASPCA...

Educating My Palate

2009-01-04T00:07:00.000-06:00

I went to my local mega-liquor store two weeks ago to pick up some scotch to sip on Christmas Day with my father. I was walking around the "Scotch" aisle, perusing the selection trying to find something new to try, when an employee began asking me what kind of scotch I liked. Honestly, I never gave it a thought before in my life. He started listing off different areas of Ireland that create distinct flavors. He ran through an impressive list and I didn't pay attention to anything he said past the first word, "smoky."

Before that day I had never tasted anything from a scotch other than "burning." My grandfather may be disappointed with me for saying so, but it's true. As I wrote in a post last year about wine, for some reason I can't distinguish tastes like other connoisseurs. I don't know if it's a problem with my taste buds, or something as simple as my uneducated palate searching for something on the surface that is actually found many layers below. Or is this really some elaborate ruse to fool those who are not in the know?

The moment that I said "smoky" the young gentleman spat out a list of scotchs from the Islay area that I had never heard of, much less recognized if I looked at the label. In my defense, the Irish pronunciation of the names were foreign to me. I did my best to feign as though I was searching for any of the names that he had rifled off, and it apparently worked because he pointed one out to me. Another employee walked up and joined the fellow that was assisting me. He noticed the bottle that I was inspecting and said, "That's a great scotch if you want to drink something that tastes like licking an ashtray." The gent assisting me laughed it off, but then quickly agreed.

I thought to myself, "There is no way that this scotch could actually taste like an ashtray." I stood there for a few minutes, running this thought through my head. During this time the two employees had moved on to help others. The desire to try something new outweighed any apprehensions that the two helping me had instilled in me.

The day came when I uncorked the bottle, passing along the story of my experience as a warning to all before sampling it. Apparently, the warning was enough to dissuade any initial taste testers. I poured myself a glass over ice. The only time I can drink it neat is when I'm too drunk to really taste what's passing over my lips. Before bringing the glass to my mouth I inhaled the aroma. Ashtray!

There was only one thing left for me to do. I took a sip. The thought that ran through my mind was that it was as though I was drinking scotch and smoking a cigar or pipe at the same time. It was a bit of time-saver, as well as a lung-saver. I took another sip. This time I made the mistake of allowing it to linger in my mouth too long. The flavor failed to dissipate even after drinking a few other things. It has a pungent aroma and as my glass sat next to me, the smell increased in potency. It was quite amazing.

I did have another glass a few days later. This time sipping and swallowing quickly enough to taste it, but not long enough to endure the same fate that came with my first encounter. I find it pretty enjoyable now. My dad has had it on a few nights as well. So, he must like it too. Now I feel inspired to return to the mega-liquor store and try some of the other flavors that I was told of, but have no concept of what they are.

Productivity Fail

2009-01-02T23:17:00.006-06:00

If you've been wondering why I haven't been posting, you should find other hobbies to fill your time. I've been jotting down thoughts and concepts for posts, but haven't pulled the trigger on writing them and polishing them up. I'll get to them soon enough.

I've added a new link, though. It's to FAIL Blog. A site dedicated to misjudgments and stupidity, with an occasional "WIN" such as this video below. A penguin is being chased by a pod of whales and he outsmarts them all.

Last Minute T-Shirt Gift Ideas

2008-12-18T00:43:00.003-06:00

This post is perfect for the last minute shopper who knows that they want to get the rest of the people on their shopping list a t-shirt. At Threadless they are continuing with their big ass sale. They've got a number of $5 tees, which they keep adding to, and plenty more at $10 and $15, in case you wish to spend more for a single item. Some people like that sort of thing.

What Would I Name a Religion That Revolved Around Me?

2008-12-16T16:34:00.002-06:00

Kosmology, of course! It would be a horrible religion, though. I won't lie. If Scientology seems like a thinly veiled attempt to suck millions of dollars out of dim-witted Hollywood socialites, Kosmology would look like a cheap buffet-style restaurant that would most likely not have a sneeze guard.

Now for the real reason of this post; some additions I made to the site.

First, I added a new link called Daily Routines. It chronicles the daily routines (How did they ever come up with that site name?) of many well-knowns across various fields. The information is taken from interviews and biographies of the individuals since some of them are deceased. It's interesting to see how some were incredibly dedicated to their work, while others seemed to sleep or drink a lot. They help you out by simplifying a lot of the searches with categories. Fantastic stuff.

I also started using Twitter. For the uninitiated, it's a way for people to keep others updated on a lot of their daily activities and thoughts. It's really a stalkers wet dream. So for all of my stalkers, I added a little attachment to the right that displays my most recent posting.

Next I... I have no idea what else is different on here. To be honest, there was a good period of time (months, maybe years) where my sleep patterns were so screwed up that when I was conscious, I felt like a zombie deprived of sleep. It was pretty bad. I would fall asleep at strange times and I tried to combat this with high doses of caffeine that left me jittery and paranoid. Looking back over that time period, I'm not sure what was reality and what was a dream. I have memories of several encounters with homeless people and one hobo village. I murdered and ate them all. I'm pretty sure that was a dream, although I haven't had any homeless folks ask for change. They actually run away when they see me. Hmmm...

Ha Ha! Vindication At Last!

2008-12-16T14:02:00.004-06:00

Housing Crisis Vindicates Guy Who Still Lives With Parents

Hooray for poor financial decisions! Thank you The Onion!

UPDATE:

Looks like Disney got the word too.

That's Just Funny

2008-12-16T00:55:00.008-06:00

This is from Wulffmorgenthaler. It's pretty funny, but I wouldn't look at the other comics if you can't stand the site of blood, guts, naked people, or anthropomorphic animals. Do I need to say that you shouldn't look if you're under 18? That should save me from any kind of legal recourse, right?

You can click on the picture to see the full image.

I Just Wanted to See the Doc

2008-12-12T21:11:00.003-06:00

It seems like I can't go anywhere without hearing some racist bullshit come out of someone's mouth. I was just sitting in the waiting room of this ophthalmologist's office waiting for my pupils to dilate. I walk in and this man and woman are having a conversation. They weren't together. They were sitting apart from one another and just talking about the local news.

It was innocent. A local school had some trouble with a few teachers who had marijuana in their cars. They were idiots to begin with and that's what they were both talking about. Then she says that things are getting bad out there. He says something about it getting bad for awhile. She agrees. Then he says, "It's been getting bad ever since they stopped segregation."

I shit you not.

She just let out this, "Uh huh." Not in an agreeable tone, but one that signals to anyone that has more than two brain cells communicating with one another, "That's an interesting take on the world that I don't happen to agree with." This guy was obviously not one of those people. He continued on, "And it's going to get a lot worse with that new president."

The woman stopped and, just in the nick of time, one of the nurse/assistants calls her away. I on the other hand, had to sit there a bit longer. I was just off to the side of them and was trying to look interested in the movie playing and at the same time like I was about to fall asleep and viciously attack anyone that bothered me. I need to work on that look. He tried to talk to me about some hunting trip he had been on and, luckily, I have no experience in that area. I just sat and gave him a nod/shrug/eye-roll. He kept talking, but I stopped reacting and stared at the TV.

I could have argued with him over the benefits of segregation. I could have berated him with a logically formed response containing many polysyllabic words that would have escaped his grasp, but I didn't want to waste my breath. A man that would openly speak anything along these lines as matter-of-fact would not change his beliefs based on facts given to him by a complete stranger. No matter how well-formed these facts may be.

I pray he's sterile.

Threadless Sale

2008-12-09T23:09:00.002-06:00

They've got some fantastic deals going on at Threadless. It's the fantastic store that I get my fantastic shirts from. Fantastic! I'm so glad I have this thesaurus. It's fantastically expanded my vocabulary.

If you're thinking about ordering, I suggest doing it sooner than later. Shipping times get extended with the increased orders. They've got $5 shirts!

Oh What a Beautiful Day

2008-12-09T13:21:00.002-06:00

Actually, there has been off and on rain all day, but I can't complain because I haven't had to go outside yet. This is a "reading day" before finals and I'm spending it trying to upload pictures and videos online. "Trying" is the crucial word in that sentence, because I have had no luck in uploading anything as of yet. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to blame the my cable provider. It's really a poor service. The television freezes often, and for some reason it's not all the televisions in the house, just the ones with cable boxes. So right there it's a good indication that their equipment is poorly designed. There are also numerous problems with just getting online when more than one person is surfing the web. If there is more than one, then it's slower than a one-legged midget trying to get up a downward escalator.

As I'm waiting for my uploads to fail, however, I came across this great little short on YouTube. Simply, it's a look at what Star Wars would have looked like if it were a silent film. Whoever made it did a fantastic job with it. It looks exactly like the production quality of a film from the silent era, except that it's completely intact and doesn't have those holes that pop in them from aging.

A Chemically Induced Out-of-Body Experience

2008-12-06T17:50:00.003-06:00

Last night I pulled a muscle in my neck, or slept funny, and awoke with this horrible stabbing, twisting knife pain. I rubbed some IcyHot on it and took a few Tylenol to ease the pain so I could sleep. It didn't help, but I eventually dozed off due to sheer exhaustion and, somehow, finding just the right position so it didn't hurt as much. Through much of the day I've been trying my best to loosen the muscles and tissues in the area. I tried gently rotating my head at various times to see if all it needed was a good stretch. I continued the IcyHot/Tylenol combo, but the pain still persisted.

Then about an hour ago, I got fed up with it all and went to my dresser drawer. I have some muscle relaxers from the spring when I pulled my back. I ended up having my tonsils removed just a day or two after, so I ended up using the pain meds instead of the other pills. (I didn't even notice the back pain since my throat was aching so badly.) So, now I'm in a bit of a haze. Not so much that I can't think clearly, as evidenced by the ability to type. Although, I'm not sure how many typos may be present.

I was sitting here just a moment ago, before sitting down to type, and realized that I had no sense of feeling in my lower extremities. This is all purely in my head though. The second I thought this I moved my hand and the feeling returned. I still gazed at it waving in front of me though, as if it were some kind of phantom limb.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Don't do drugs."

FoxNews: Home of the No-Sense Zone

2008-12-06T10:02:00.002-06:00

I was flipping around the channels this morning, something I seem to be doing more and more of lately, and happened to catch one of the large banners that FoxNews plasters on the screen. I don't understand why they do that. It's usually the same thing that is being said by the anchors. Do they suspect that the majority of their viewers are deaf?

The banner today said... I forget the actual wording. I do know that they were asking for the "Big 3" Automakers should become nationalized. Just a few months ago they were up in arms about the government trying to attain a portion of the mortgage businesses that the bailout was proposing to save. What is the difference here?

Why Do I Think the Things I Think?

2008-12-05T10:19:00.000-06:00

I just happened to walk by the TV as it was tuned to CNN and I had this strange thought pass through my mind. I watched David Gergen and Anderson Cooper over numerous hours as they discussed the impending election and not once did I think this until tonight. Before I reveal this thought to you all, I want you to look at both men.

Here is David Gergen:

Here is Anderson Cooper:

Do you see it? Take the time to look at both of their faces closely if you didn't catch it.

Go on.

I'm sure you've seen it by now. I'm surprised that I never saw it before. David Gergen looks like Anderson Cooper's head was put in a microwave for a minute or two. That didn't happen though, of course. David Gergen is actually Anderson Cooper 25 years from now. He traveled back in time and the unfortunate side-effect of the time-travel process was a slight facial reshaping. His goal was to assist his past self in becoming a better journalist by teaching him all he learned in 25 years. Cooper's/Gergen's ego to improve his journalistic style has just destroyed the fabric of the space/time continuum. He's doomed us all.

The Reason We're Fat, Lazy, and Going Bankrupt

2008-12-04T15:13:00.002-06:00

Not all of those adjectives describe the average American, but it sure does sound good, doesn't it? The image of that fat kid in my post about the McRib is... Disturbing, to say the least. I remember playing around with my dad at that age, wrestling him (and losing). If my kid was that big, I'd still lose. If I didn't know better, I'd say that kid was a sumo-in-training. All he needs to do is learn how to wear a cloth diaper that barely covers his nether region and toss some rice in a ceremonial fashion. It would be great if that kid was a small, relatively speaking, percentage of kids in the US, but since I live in the fattest city in America I see a lot of kids like that.

There is plenty of data out there to help give rhyme and reason to this expanding population. (Get it? It's got a dual meaning!) It just frustrates me when these reasons tend to swing closer to the answer that, "It's genetic." Hey, that's a great excuse for the adults to use when they'd prefer to blame it on something other than the fact that they eat poorly and enjoy sitting on their ass watching celebrities looking thin and fit. But then the same excuse gets passed on to their kids and instead of it being a motivational deficiency, it's an issue of a protein that they lack or a metabolism that refuses to work as well as others.

Dennis Leary, the comedian and not the drug-crazed loon, recently wrote a book titled, "Why We Suck." That's a classic literary title if I've ever heard one. His book discusses many of the same issues, and has probably been a catalyst for what I'm writing at the moment. He points out all of the shortcuts that we choose to take to remove blame from ourselves and onto other people or handicaps that we don't actually have. One example he gave was the pressure that parents put on doctors to diagnose them as ADD or hyperactive, when in fact they were never taught how to sit still by their parents who left the raising of their child to a third-party, such as a nanny or daycare. Now this kid has trouble performing in school and instead of spending time with the kids to catch them up with the rest of the class, they slap a "special" label on them that they'll most likely carry for the rest of their lives and use as an excuse when they get older themselves.

So these kids get lazy and create a reality where it's always the fault of some other person or amino acid chain. Then the rest of the world leaves them behind because they're really nothing more than a waste of space. Oh my gosh! Did I just link this epidemic to the American Auto Industry and our failing economy? You're damn right I did! This expanding waist line and national debt isn't a recent phenomena. It's been building for a long time.

I wonder what would happen if the countries that the USA have been borrowing from suddenly asked for the money back? (I'm aware that they won't, because they know we don't have $11 trillion lying around.) Maybe the country would be divided up into territories and all those living in a territory would become an indentured servant working off the payments? Which protein or vitamin deficiency would we point the finger at then? Is "stupid" a protein, bacteria, or virus?

Next time I see a line of cars waiting at an elementary school filled with parents who have nothing better to do than sit there waiting for their kids instead of having them ride the bus, I'll walk up to each one and start handing out some patterns for tennis shoes and tell them to start practicing their cross-stitch. They're going to have to get those fingers ready for when we start working the sweatshop circuit.

Soylent Green is Hamsters!

2008-11-28T11:04:00.003-06:00

Wait. I think I got that wrong. Yes. I'm thinking of the McRib. It's the only explanation I can think of. The ad wizards at McDonald's keep rereleasing it year after year for a limited time, even though they like to say that, "this is the last time they'll be available."

It took me a long time to figure out what the meat for the McRib consisted of. Mainly due to the time it took to make me fabricate a decent reason. It sounds really good though. Just regard that sentence where I referred to this as a "fabrication." It's anything but.

The secret meat ingredient is hamster. It's an animal that yields very little meat per animal (if you don't count the added mass that the ground up innards contribute) and on the scale that the McRib is sold, they need a lot of it. The entire hamster population can't be used in pressing out the "rib" shaped patties that are used in these sandwiches. A large percentage still have to be let for pet purposes. This leads to the minimum span of time in which they can be available for consumption.

I've had a McRib, this was many years ago before my boycott, and it was pretty nasty. I think the problem is that I looked to see what the meat actually looked like. The "barbecue sauce" is more like a liquid based mind control serum that wears off after 360 days. It causes people to think the golden arches are a gateway to deliciousness. I think they mix it with heroin too. I don't have facts to back that up though. Plenty of evidence for the mind control though. It's in my underground bunker in a undisclosed location under my bed.

"All of the Sudden it's 4 AM..."

2008-11-16T00:16:00.002-06:00

I was watching TV and during a commercial for 5-Hour Energy the above phrase was uttered. I'm not familiar with the spokesperson, he does something with NASCAR, but he seemed to have a decent grip on the English language unlike those who watch it. He was dazzling us with his tales of going on a fishing trip. Whilst standing in a check-out counter line getting some gas he spotted this amazing product and picked up a few bottles of this tiny energy drink.

Now here is where the story gets exciting. He utters the phrase in the above title and says how great this product is. What the hell is in this drink? Apparently, this beverage causes you to black out for periods of time and wake up in the middle of a lake. Naked. I'm assuming that part of the story because he blushed and giggled as he was speaking. I think my assumption is not for off. When ever I regale people with tales that involve my waking up in strange places naked, I don't come right out and say it. I beat around the bush as I drop subtle hints.

Before this commercial, I had a desire to try it out. I often find myself needing a little boost and I don't always enjoy the jittery feeling I get with coffee. Sometimes shaking from a caffeinated high is pleasant. That's just me. I've heard it doesn't cause that, but then again that came from the mouth of a trucker. Of course black outs would be a welcome respite from the drudgery of driving across the country. If there are any other strange side effects, these truckers probably wouldn't notice due to all the other pills they pop to keep their eyes bulging from their sockets and their nerves constantly on edge.

Over My Dead Body "Daniel"

2008-11-10T12:37:00.004-06:00

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Kristen Wiig on SNL. Along with Andy Samberg, she's keeping that show afloat. There's a slight difference between these two comedians though - I'm infatuated with Wiig. The characters she plays are not the most flattering, but her sense of humor is amazing. She has some of the most realistically, annoying characters, people that we've all met in our daily lives, in her portfolio. Others are just... Out there.

My infatuation is not unique, however, and now there appears to be another online persona that is vying for Kristen's attention. There is a writer with the magazine Cracked that has written an entry titled, "Will You Marry Me, Kristen Wiig?" It's pretty straight forward. He makes his case for taking her hand in marriage. He makes a decent argument, but I have many of the same qualities. Not the physique, but I'm good with knots. I do possess one skill that, I believe, may cinch it for me though. I can roller skate backwards. Oh yes! For many it's difficult just to propel themselves forward, but I can throw it into reverse and not cause myself serious bodily harm. Can you do that "Daniel"? I think not.

Here are some clips of Kristen from SNL that I got from Hulu.com. They've got a lot of free clips and full episodes available for free.

Last, but not least, Kristen and Andy together.

Will This Be a Watermark, or Are the Tides of Change Still Rising

2008-11-05T20:14:00.005-06:00

Words can't fully capture the feelings I'm experiencing due to Obama winning the election. It's truly incredible. Like much of the world, I wasn't sure if I would ever see a man of color become president in my lifetime. Most importantly, I feel the right man has been elected to the most powerful job in America. I'm excited to have a brilliant man in this position.

I've said this many times in talks, I'm not sure if I mentioned it here, but I may have voted for McCain if he ran against a different opponent. I wish he would have stood his ground on the positions he had in the 2000 primaries when he was running against Bush. I believe there was a significant change in McCain's character during the latest primaries when his chances were dwindling. Had he not fallen into line with the way Republicans run fear campaigns... Perhaps the race would have been much closer.

On Monday I wore my Obama/Biden shirt and I had a number of people approach me that I never met before and say nothing but positive things and just wanting to share their excitement for the day to come. If it had been self-cleaning, I would have worn that shirt every day. Oddly enough, there were more people wearing Obama gear today. Maybe they just felt more comfortable sharing their opinions with other Texans now that it was over. My younger sisters were afraid to share their views with people at school because of the vicious attacks they would hear from their peers. I haven't talked to them yet, but I'm curious as to how these folks reacted knowing that Obama had one.

In one of my classes today, a vocal supporter of McCain said, "I'm glad [Obama] won. Now it shows that racism doesn't exist and people can stop complaining about it." I wish he could have realized just how hypocritical he sounded. This is an enormous step for minorities everywhere, but racism is not dead. If you look at much of the voting results, rural areas were the areas that McCain won easily. The same areas where, as Dem. John Murtha said, people "cling to their guns and religion." I overheard many white Americans during the primaries stating that they would never vote for a black president. Many of the people that appeared the Republican rallies vocalized their distrust in those that practice Islam. There is still a bias that exists in many of these people's minds. Honestly, I have racist thoughts that pop into my head from time to time, but I realize the error in my thinking quickly after that. I don't hang on to those thoughts and feelings to mask fear. If anything, this was a signal that minorities are now the majority. White Americans are still there larger percentage, but the rest are catching up.

I have a great-aunt that passed away a few years ago and, unfortunately, I had not learned about her life until after she passed. One of the most things that I was surprised that I had been unaware of was her contributions to the Civil Rights movement. She was an active supporter in the Chicago area and even traveled to the South with others to promote the cause. She was an amazing woman and although she wasn't able to join the thousands of people who gathered in Grant Park for the celebration, she was there in spirit. Along with the millions that had dreamed about this day, but were unable to experience it first hand.

Let Me Just Get My Checkbook...

2008-10-29T15:29:00.002-05:00

I don't know if anyone pays attention to the changes I make to the layout of this page from time to time, but I added a national debt counter. It's very informative. I thought for a second as describing it as "cool" as opposed to "informative," but then I remembered the reason behind the counter. Not so "cool."

Now, neither candidate has really given a solution or plan to battle this, seemingly, endlessly growing problem - which should be a major issue on the campaign trails - so this is troublesome. Looking over the lists of projects, programs, and expenditures it's difficult to really balance this budget to begin with. Privatizing Social Security would be a horrible idea, as evidenced by the tumbling stock market. Medicaid and Medicare are keeping many elderly Americans alive and from having to declare bankruptcy, thanks to outrageous health care costs. With increasing numbers of retirees, these three programs are continuously getting hit and quickly loosing funds.

Defense spending can be scaled back, but we also have a higher need for defense thanks to the numerous enemies we amass due to poor foreign relations. Closer looks at defense contracts would probably save a pretty penny. Like the contracts given to KBR.

Of course there are the numerous earmarks (What happened to "porkbarrels"?) that stubborn congressmen and women require in order to pass a simple piece of legislation. Even some of those seem to be a bit over-inflated like the defense contracts.

I've got an idea to help pay down some of this debt, though. Wouldn't it be novel if instead of spending millions and millions of dollars on attack ads during campaigns, a candidate pledged all of their contributions toward a payment to the national debt? Sure, it would probably halt the contributions that the candidate received, but what a message that would send. The lack of ads would be made up by the coverage they'd receive in news broadcasts. Instead of hearing story after story on the latest attack, you hear the latest on the amount that has been raised and contributed.

Wouldn't that show a candidates commitment to trying to fix this problem and a certain level of character? Every time I see an attack ad I don't think, "Gee, I don't like (insert opponent name)." I think, "This is a complete waste of time and money." It actually lowers my opinion of a candidate. It almost brings me to loathing them and their campaign. I could happily get behind a candidate that did away with all of that.

Another Magic Monday

2008-10-27T16:11:00.002-05:00

I just got an email from a political candidate telling me to take the day off on election day to vote. This led me to ask the question (to myself), "Why the hell is that not a national holiday to begin with?" If it is that important for all people to take part in, why are so many confined to working on that day? I wouldn't have been surprised if someone told me Ben Franklin had thought of that idea. The same guy that wanted the turkey to be the national bird and symbol of the country. If you have no idea what I'm referring to there, read a fucking history book people!

But I did something I've said I do my best to avoid to discover the true origins of this oddly designated day - research.

Turns out, the day was chosen in 1845 by Congress to allow people to travel to their nearest voting location. It took about a day to get there, and because most people at that time were church-going folk they felt it was best to allow them to start hoofing it on Monday. Seems a bit outdated to me.

It would probably be an arduous task to change the day to Monday and declare it a holiday, what with all the hoops proposals have to jump through today just to get the chance at a vote. Doesn't it make sense though? Give the public a three day weekend and one less excuse as to why they didn't vote. A number of states have early voting anyway, so why keep this antiquated date that was designated by an agricultural society that rode the country side in wagons?

I Have an Ego This Big...

2008-10-26T22:42:00.002-05:00

I was flipping around the boobtube tonight and came across Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes wearing, what I thought was, a rubber mask, but he's just looking worse for the wear. I didn't watch much, because he makes me sleepy, but he said something that struck a chord. He said that writers do what they do because their egos are inflated and their opinions are all that matter. I wonder if he was watching Fox News when he thought of this?

It certainly made me question my own motives. Am I so insecure with myself that I use this blog to promote my own self worth? Why, yes I am. If it weren't for this blog that I stared so many years ago, I may have become little more than a sniveling husk, cowering in my closet afraid to meet the light of day with my eyes. And oh, Lord, the smell.

I think I made the right choice.

My Witty Shirts are More Interesting Than I

2008-10-24T13:47:00.002-05:00

I've got some t-shirts that I purchased a while back that have funny sayings on them. I bought them because they say to the world, "Look at me and my capitalistic tendencies!" I get comments on one of them every time I wear it. The slogan says, "Meat is Murder. Tasty, Tasty Murder." It always gets at least one person to come up to me and say, "I like your shirt." Then they giggle as they walk away. I wish they'd give me a hug, or at least a five. I am desperate for human contact...

I've got another shirt that reads:

"Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator."

I think this is hilarious, but no one ever approaches me with the same response as the "Meat" shirt. I thought it was due to the fact that the "Meat" shirt is pink and the "Haiku" is brown. Then I had someone staring at it with a half-smile on their face as if they were desperately trying to understand it, but decided to fake it to humor me. Then I explained that haiku is a form of Japanese poetry that contains five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and then five in the last line. Then they looked at it again, smiled wider as they counted out the syllables, and then said, "Oh, I get it," and walked away. I knew in my soul that they did not, however, "get it."

How can some people not know of this art form? I know I studied it in school, if even for a short period. Is it simply due to the fact that I live in one of the more ethnocentric areas of America, Texas? Is it the rapidly declining standards of our school systems literary cirriculums? I know poetry is the least enjoyed area of said cirriculums, but it's still something that, I feel, should be covered. There are many poets that, for the life of me, I can't wrap my head around the meaning, but I can still appreciate the art. Haiku is such an easy form of poetry too. I thought of this one as I was driving around today, yearning for the autumn of my youth:

Leaves floating to Earth.
Bright colors are plentiful.
Beautiful Autumn.

It's not a great one, but it gets the point across, right?

I'm Just Going to Sit Back and Watch Now

2008-10-22T21:36:00.002-05:00

I voted today. This "early" voting is great. I don't have to wait around for Election day and ensure that I have time taken out of the day to stand in line to cast my ballot. I'm surprised more people don't take advantage of this, though. There were half a dozen people there when I arrived at the polling location, and one or two trickled in during the time that I filled out my ballot and left. I also received my Obama/Biden buttons in the mail that I got for donating to the campaign. Can you guess who my vote was for?

I also got cornered into a discussion about the evils of Obama. Now, the difficulty I have in discussing anything that requires facts to back up or refute statements (either my own or the individual I'm talking to) is that my memory is crap. I can't spout facts, quotes, or even names to help make my case or poke holes in another. So, situations like these are problematic for me. My tactic during these talks is to allow the other person to tell me their thoughts and what until they run out of points. I counter their points when I can, but most often it has no effect on their views. I've also seen many occasions where speakers that could recite facts and relevant data walk away with the same results. So how can you persuade an individual that's already made up their mind?

You can't. If a person has taken a side, it's near impossible to dissuade their stance. Only the undecided individuals are worth the time to have these discussions with. Otherwise the talks just go in circles, it makes people dizzy, and then they'd rather listen to which celebrity is getting drunk and vomiting on some other celeb's shoes over learning about candidates and their stances on issues.

Fair and Balanced My Ass

2008-10-13T03:08:00.003-05:00

I was flipping around the channels and stopped on a documentary about Barak Obama. It was highlighting portions of his book, "Dreams of my Father." It chose very specific portions though, because it was produced by the Fox New Network.

During the first ten minutes the focus was on Obama's religious denomination as Muslim on a few of his school records. The documentary then moved on to his high school years, playing basketball, and then experimental drug use because of the crowd he was with.

It's interesting how it was referred to as a "documentary" and the aim of the narrative was to discredit whatever small inconsistencies they could find. They played up his connections with friends that he had made over the years from the Middle East and continued to try to apply the "Muslim" label as often as possible.

I think what bothers me the most about this, is that people take all of the reporting on Fox News as unbiased and complete fact. I have a feeling that the same people look at the National Enquirer in the supermarket and leaf through it to find where Elvis is this week, or the latest human impregnated by aliens. I was watching TV with my brother and he wanted to see a little bit of "My Big Redneck Wedding." Part of me is wondering who watches this on a regular basis, and the other can't believe that any of these people are allowed to have children, or operate heavy machinery like a car.

Their vote counts just the same as mine, too.

Of All the Rotten Luck

2008-10-11T19:56:00.003-05:00

It's days like today that I rue the decision I made for continuing my college education. It's not the fact that I am still in school, it's the school I chose. It's hard to say for sure, since I haven't seen the caliber of students at other schools, but I feel like I've been stuck with a group of folks that barely squeaked their way out of high school. Perhaps it's the appalling job the high school systems nearby have done in preparing these people for the next level, and then the college-level work was adjusted for these results. Perhaps it's the inability of the college to set a standard and allow the cutoff level for average students to move on when the concepts of required courses have not been instilled in individuals.

I seem to come to these realizations every time I forced to work with others. On very few instances have I been fortunate enough to work with people that actually knew what was expected of them. The remainder of the time I'm left with people who have no desired skills to add to the group dynamic. For instance, I am "working" on a presentation with three individuals with the worst speaking skills I've ever had to endure. One has horrible stage freight and freezes mid-sentence every ten to fifteen seconds. I was unaware of this fact until today when she had to lead a brief discussion, although I noticed something was amiss due to the fact that she never speaks during class. Another will talk at great lengths, and will give their opinion when it's not asked, but never makes a point. It has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about. The third, he talks, but couldn't form a coherent sentence if he were pumped to the gills with Ritalin.

How could these people have passed an introductory speech course?!? Good god, man! My only hope for a decent grade is that my teacher sees what I have to work with. She's already shown her thoughts on my third classmate, as she held her head by her temples as he was trying to make his point and she finally said, "Just shoot straight to the point."

And the cherry that tops this shit-sundae, they are all communications majors.

Group work will be the death of me.

I'm Painting a Picture

2008-10-09T18:15:00.003-05:00

I have an image in my head that I just can't get out. It keeps me from wanting to wake up in the morning. The past few mornings I've woken up late, and each time I was upset. Not because I was running behind, but because the image was just a dream. Let me paint it for you.

It's a small city. It's a tightly knit group of communities that share a common goal; happiness. I can walk the streets of the city and everyone smiles. They beam from ear to ear. So many have grins on their faces that, as I walk by, it looks like a stop motion film animating the grin as it moves from one side of a face to the other. Almost like it's trying to wave at me.

Not a single person passes another. They're all walking at the same pace. They have no rush. No urgent matters to attend to. The strangest thing is that everyone is walking. No one drives. Like me, they all want to take in the sights, sounds, smells of their surroundings and feel the ground beneath their feet. It makes the world seem all the more real.

There's a crispness in the air. It's sweet and brings vitality to your lungs with each breath. I like to breath deeply and it sends a tingle through my blood, down to my toes. The Sun bathes me in warmth and every hair on my body stands on end to get a glimpse. It makes me wonder if they secretly have a desire to be leaves so they could drink up the Sun's glow. All the plants that I pass, each petal and leaf are radiating fantastically vibrant colors. Not a single man-made color can encapsulate the beauty. The color may exist, but the life is missing.

The lack of cars keeps the noise level to a minimum. Laughter has taken its' place. All around, people of all ages are laughing for the same reason they smile. They do it because they can. It's the best reason, too. Laughter has such an amazing effect on the body. It creates the some of the strangest sounds that ever cross a person's lips, but they're also some of the most attractive.

I find myself on the top of a hill outside of the city looking down on it later in my dream. I just sit in the grass, running the blades of grass through my fingertips, looking at it all. There are no skyscrapers. No buildings covered in reflective glass. The architecture all, miraculously, fits into the surrounding natural landscape. Trees are the tallest structures. From amidst the trees, homes and businesses peak out, but the green leaves create the cityscape. Blending the line of nature with humanity. Both live as one, providing for one another, without harming the other.

This is painting I've created in my dream.

Who to Bailout?

2008-10-03T13:02:00.003-05:00

I've been watching the news since the $700 billion bailout passed in the House and a lot of the comments that viewers have been making state that they don't want the bailout. Instead, they want that money to go to taxpayers that have those failing mortgages. The mortgage companies made their money off of "us" and now they've been given more money without having to deal with their accountability in creating the situation.

Well, my question to all of them is, "Wouldn't giving the money to those who entered into mortgages that couldn't repay them create the same situation where they don't have to confront the consequences?" It's a double-edged sword. Granting this money to anyone is just a way to dodge the situation that they created for themselves. Is it fair that these huge corporations get to clear their books of these bad loans? No.

This was a rushed attempt to keep the economy from circling the drain. It's just another of many Bush actions that are knee-jerk responses to situations that require more thought. I think it's ridiculous that this bill only made it through due to the earmarks (why doesn't anyone refer to it as porkbarreling anymore?) that were attached in the Senate to appease Republicans. When will these strange compromises that cause more problems stop?

Racism In America

2008-09-29T16:22:00.002-05:00

The topic today has nothing to do with Barak Obama running for president. This is about an attack on a Muslim mosque in Dayton, Ohio that the news has not reported.

Friday night, as local Muslims gathered together to pray, someone released a chemical irritant into the Islamic Society of Greater Dayton, where 300 people were gathered for a Ramadan prayer service. The irritant was released into a room where children were being watched over while their parents took part in the prayer service. The attack hindered the childrens' breathing and caused intense burning sensations in their throats and lungs.

Who are these monsters that are perpetrating terrorist attacks here in America? Most importantly, why is this not being reported by national news outlets?

Many sights that I've read regarding this attack have also mentioned the coincidental release of a DVD through newspapers in swing-states titled Obsession: Radical Islam's War Against the West. Here are more details about the distribution and the papers that are a part of it. The Clarion Fund, which created the video, has paid for the DVDs to be distributed and Jim McClure, VP of advertising for the News & Observer in Raleigh, NC likened it to distributing cereal or tubes of toothpaste. Somehow, I feel like there is a bit of a difference between a consumable product and one that is little more than a propaganda tool.

After the scare tactics that were used last year concerning Obama once being Muslim, I can't see this as anything more than this political year's Swift-Boat commercials. Except for the fact that this video has moved a monster of a human being to attack children. The Clarion Fund has openly come out and supported John McCain. It was removed, but I don't know how long it was up. It was most likely removed due to the fact that as a charity it is supposed to be non-partisan. I don't want anyone to think that I am accusing McCain of supporting the actions of this group and the actions of those monsters that gassed the children in Dayton. But some message needs to be made on behalf of his camp rejecting the endorsement of Clarion or any other group that condones these actions. Obama was insisted upon to denounce the endorsements of radicals during the primary campaigns.

My outrage of this also stems to the media outlets that have not made this national news. Yes, we are in a turbulent economic time, but when a handful of people committed terrorism against America it stopped the presses. Would it have made more news if these people had died? What level of fear does a story require to reach before it becomes news? Doesn't a threat of harm to any American require some kind of response, or do we have to wait for body bags to pile up?

"I've Been To All Those Places Too, But That Doesn't Make Me Right."

2008-09-26T23:05:00.002-05:00

The above quote is from Joe Biden in response to McCain listing all of the locations he has been to in the Middle East. As I watched the debate and heard McCain mention the places that he's been, I thought to myself, "So what?" I know a lot of college-age folks go backpacking across Europe, but that doesn't mean they can be a foreign advisor. It just means they've seen a lot of sights. You can talk to a lot of people too, but all you're getting are opinions.

I really didn't get much out of the debate. McCain has been a lot of places and met with people, but he also tried playing the "young whipper snapper" card a lot and it didn't play as well as I think it did. McCain just helped forge the public image of himself as an old man. His attacks on Obama's experience and saying, "He just doesn't understand," can be easily applied to his running mate, Sarah Palin. The vice presidential candidate should be just as capable of running the country as the presidential candidate, because the VP has to take over in case something happens. The Republican party won't even let Palin do interviews after her performance with Katie Couric. The post-debate talks with representatives from each party were trying to get the running mate's views on the debate, but Palin was a no-show. How does that instill the public with any level of confidence in her when her own party sees her as a liability now?

I have my qualms with Obama's performance as well. Some of the pundits I heard were saying that it's more Obama's style to be graceful and counter-punch an opponent's jabs. That's great, but he passed up some great opportunities to put McCain in his place. McCain made the point that he was going to endorse nuclear energy, but when the Senate was voting on disposing of nuclear waste in salt mines he wouldn't allow the waste to travel through Arizona to reach those mines. Obama also needed to clarify his point of talks with leaders of "enemy" nations. That's been a point of attack ever since he made that comment over a year ago in the Democratic primary. Although he mentioned what his stance was, he still left it open for attack.

Again, they both are making promises that they most likely won't be able to keep. They both dodged the issue of the effect that the bail-out would have on their economic plans. I know it would be detrimental for either one to admit that they would cut spending in a specific area, but spending on the defense is a large chunk of the problem right now. It's an area that can use some trimming. Do we need to curtail the earmarked spending? You bet. But as Obama said, that is only $18 million. It's a drop in the hat. The best way to get money back into the economy is to tax big businesses that have been allowed huge, corporate loop-holes. The families that make less than $250,000 don't impact the tax-revenue that America receives, because, honestly, a good percentage of them probably don't even pay their taxes.

I'm looking forward to seeing the responses from both sides over the next few days on how this debate went. I'm eagerly awaiting the VP debate, just to see how much of a joke Palin truly is as a running mate. Many of the pundits aren't counting her out yet, but they all know that there is an obvious problem when Palin's own party has her hidden from speaking publicly.

Adult Content

2008-09-26T19:01:00.004-05:00

I was playing around with the layout of the blog again, which you'll only notice if you've read this before, and I found that I could add the option of requiring readers to enter their date of birth due to "Adult Content." There's no need for that here though. It would probably dissuade some prospective readers. I could use all the readers I can get.

Did you notice I like the color green?

These People Don't Know the Constitution

2008-09-25T17:30:00.004-05:00

I saw a short clip this morning of a reporter making the rounds asking people why they were voting for McCain and Palin. One that stood out was a woman who said, "They stand for the issues that are important to me." An issue she mentioned that was of importance was the issue of faith.

What?

It frustrates me to no end when I hear politicians express their views of their faith to the public. They manipulate those that share similar opinions on faith and then try to create this false sense that religion is a part of politics. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the Constitution expressly states that there is a separation of church and state? Then, when did faith become an issue that the public needs to take into account when voting for public officials?

I don't want to appear that I'm looking down on those who have a place for religion in their lives. It just aggravates me when politicians use religion to gain voters and avoid true issues.

I'd also like politicians to stick to their promises. Just thought I'd throw that in since I'm wishing for things that will never come true.

U.S.A: "Made by China"

2008-09-21T06:35:00.004-05:00

With our national debt skyrocketing wouldn't it be technically correct to add the above label to everything we make? Or "Made by Japan". They've been buying up stock in our country for years in the form of bonds and the two of them are majority holders now.

Buy American, because we have to keep the shareholders happy!

Ok, I Thought of Something

2008-09-19T12:21:00.003-05:00

As I've stated in a previous post, I rarely do research in regards to what I write. With that in mind, I'm going to discuss some of the corporate buyouts/bailouts that the Federal Government has been taking part in.

I can see why these large lenders had to be saved. AIG, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac have a huge chunk of this debt market that we've all helped create. I would hate to think how much farther our economy would slip if these giants were allowed to go under. I've read an article here and there discussing the reasons for these expenditures of the gov'ment, and I understood most of it.

Now, my question is, isn't this close to a Socialist approach to these matters? The government now has a large stake invested in this market. They bought out Fannie and Freddie and then "loaned" a large amount of money to AIG. From a shareholder perspective, to look at it from a business perspective, don't they have majority holding and thus a large say in the workings of these companies? It's a bit of a stretch to say that for AIG, but the Feds now control the "Big F's" - that's what I'm going to call them from now on since they failed so miserably. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like a Socialist system to me.

So, my big question for the day is: Why is it so scary to allow this Socialist change happen to the health care market? Many of us have to pay our debts to the "Man," and I'm guessing that a good chunk of that debt sprouts from high-priced medical expenses that are being covered by extra mortgages and loans. Wouldn't a Socialist system of health care make some of the initial medical expenses smaller, hence a smaller debt to be repaid?

Not Really Feeling It Today

2008-09-19T09:35:00.003-05:00

I got up this morning for an appointment, but decided to reschedule due to traffic issues that continue to plague the city. There are lots of street lights out or missing altogether and a little over one million people are without power still. I'm not going to subject myself to that mess this early. I'll save that for next week when I have to go back to class and can't reschedule. I decided not to write anything, but instead share some interesting links I've found. I haven't done this in a while.

Light Plays the Piano - A guy using a camera at night with a long exposure time animated this using some small, colored lights to create movement. It's short, but neat.

10 Overused Words in Writing - This makes me wonder if I'm guilty of these crimes. When I write I really try my best to sound as smart as I wish I was. It's very hard for me, because I like to think that you find me intelligent, and so I want live up to that expectation. So, there.

Hexiom Connect - Here's a little game to test your brain. Can you get all the pieces to connect with the proper colors to complete the pattern? I got up to level 39 before I got good and stuck.

Hulu - A site where you can watch a television show with just a short interruption every now and then for a commercial. I've found a number of SNL sketches that I laughed out loud at. It saved me from having to watch the rest of the unfunny parts. Which there are a lot of nowadays.

Got My Power Back

2008-09-13T23:34:00.003-05:00

According to the flashing clocks, I lost power at 2:56am. I was able to sleep through most of the storm when it came through thanks to having many days, maybe even a week, during which I slept very little. There were a few instances when the wind blasted my window so powerfully that it woke me up, but with the lack of sleep it was pretty easy to slip back into Slumberland. Even after the power went out and the temp started rising I was able to sleep pretty well. The rest of my family were not as fortunate. A few of them stated up much of the night due to the noise and my dad wound up having some kind of stomach bug.

This morning there was very little damage around the house. A pear tree in the backyard was snapped in half at the trunk and two palm trees were uprooted slightly. The rest of the area, as many as you can see were not nearly as lucky. I really lucked out with the way the Ike kept to the east of me. The weather is still pretty humid, but the heat is relatively cool when compared to the highs that we usually experience at this time of year. There is a cool front forecasted to move through tomorrow, so as long as some of those folks without power can make it through the night they should experience some cooler air. The oddest thing about the day, after the night we had, is that the air was incredibly still. There was no breeze blowing. The lack of circulating air really made the humid air feel a bit stale.

It was shortly after 8pm, just as I had lit a candle oddly enough, when the power came back and I was able to see what kind of destruction was left in the wake. The news is still running nonstop. They're covering whatever they can, replaying segments that were recorded earlier in the day, and going over tips for what everyone can do to work on those insurance claims. They've also been scouring the area to find where people have congregated and get some stories. There have been a few gas stations that are in operation, but the lines have been stretching into the streets. Even the gas stations that don't have gas are still getting long lines from those who are looking for cold drinks and some food. It's not clear if these people just didn't prepare or they just didn't have enough stocked up. I recognized one of the gas stations they were located at was near an old apartment of mine. One of the best stories that I saw was of a neighborhood where an individual was sharing his generator with five other homes and helping the rest with some cool drinks.

Hard Night's Day

2008-09-13T01:53:00.002-05:00

According to all of the forecasts that I'd seen leading up to today, the eye of the hurricane should be making landfall soon. Right now, it's pretty quiet where I am. There's some gusts that whip up and slam the windows, and the rain is coming down in sheets, but it's not that bad. I still have power, obviously, for the time being. Estimates are showing that 850,000 are without so far. I'd prefer to not be added to that number.

I should be sleeping, but I'm anxious to see what's going to happen. I lucked out due to the storm moving inward to the east of me. That means I don't have to contend with the "dirty" side. The side where the majority of the damage-causing winds and rain are located. I may be really close to the eye though, so I'll see some pretty intense winds regardless. The dirty side is always the worse for wear though. This afternoon there were numerous forecast paths that projected Ike moving to the west of me or going directly over me. I was admittedly worried when I saw that.

The next few hours will bring the stronger stuff. It's time to return to my "hunkering down" position. It sucks that this came through at night. I wasn't able to get any pictures of Ike. I can't even see what's going on out there.

That title makes no sense...

Duct Tape Saves Lives

2008-09-12T17:32:00.003-05:00

It destroys Anthrax people!!!

I just taped up the windows in my room and closet. Two strips of duct tape crossing each other in an "X". It's not exactly impervious to breakage. Unless it takes a hit right at where the two pieces of tape crosses. That would be amazingly fortuitous. I don't know why I passed up just saying "lucky" there. I must be going through an urge to flex my vocabulary muscle. Juxtaposition.

I don't know why I have window in my closet. It's not special. I guess they just wanted to maintain the window allotment for the front of the house. Which sucks, because now if the windows get blown out, only my stuff will get wet. All of the other closets are windowless and safe. My sister has said she's going to hide in her's while the hurricane blows through. I just have my pillow fort and if my battles with my brother when I was a child are any indication as to the strength of pillow forts, I'm fucked.

Oh, it's windy by the way.

I also heard an interview with one of the idiots that chose to stay on Galveston island. His reasoning was this, "You can't outrun nature. It's going to catch up with you one way or another." I don't know about that. It seems it can't run west, so that would be one possibility for you.

Weeding Out the Herd

2008-09-12T13:42:00.005-05:00

So there is nothing on local television but coverage of Galveston and the rising water. It started yesterday and they haven't cut from the news other than for some commercials, I think. There are a few field reporters that have done a decent job, but there is one that just speaks pretty poorly. Poor grammar and whatnot.

There are a dozen or so people that gather around these reporters to wave at the camera and just watch the storm. After having a mandatory evacuation of the island at noon Thursday, they still stuck around. Two were interviewed and one was staying, because they didn't want to leave their home, and the other was leaving at 5pm, much later than all of the notifications urging everyone off of the island. I doubt that he'll be able to get away at that time. He looked like an idiot too. Natural Selection at work. Is it possible to get Darwin Awards for all those people that are just waiting for the show?

There were a few sad stories that I heard today from people who couldn't get away any earlier. I saw a woman being interviewed around 6am this morning that was leaving but turned around when she got a call saying that someone was breaking in to her home. She was exhausted, but driving out. Around 1:30pm there was an interview with a man who had to work at the dockyard, making sure everything was secured, and he was working late into the night. His superiors wouldn't let him go until things were satisfactory. He had to board up his house in order to insure that his coverage would cover the damages he was assured to have. His only form of transportation was a Corvette. I want to emphasize the word "was" here. It was swallowed up by the water because he couldn't get out in time. The only belongings he had with him was the shirt on his back. He didn't even have a pair of shoes or his wallet with him. His friends had taken his things ahead for him. The guy was an interesting interview though. By that I mean "drunk." I can't blame the guy though.

UPDATE:
Just found the winner of the Darwin Award for this crowd. A man in a wheelchair decided to "ride it out" as there are 15 foot swells of water expected. Good luck swimming to safety, buddy.

Another Hurricane

2008-09-12T04:54:00.004-05:00

I'm actually extremely surprised that people didn't freak out and create the mass-exodus traffic fiasco that occurred in Houston when hurricane Rita came in roaring like a kitten. There were a few stations that, I felt, wanted to sensationalize the danger, as they tend to with all news. Overall though, they kept telling people not to panic to avoid the same situation.

Driving around as I did some errands I saw many gas stations completely dry yesterday. Gas is an item that, when the whispers of a storm start circulating, news outlets remind the public ad nausea to fill up on. All of the traffic signs that line the highways flash signs that tell people to "Keep Your Tanks Full." I almost feel like it's a ploy that Big Oil tries to push. There hasn't been an evacuation notice for the majority of the Houston area, but I've seen some acquaintances online that posted messages saying they're leaving. If people were planning to leave, then I could see the reason for needing to fill up. Otherwise, I just see it as a chance to raise prices a few cents. During Rita prices were hiked dramatically at a few gas stations (even though that is illegal), and even semis transporting gas that were stuck in traffic with the rest of the population charged ten to twenty times the price at the time to those who were stranded on the highways with empty tanks.

If you're curious, I haven't decided if I'll post updates as I did with hurricane Rita. I may post some photos, but the hurricane is scheduled to hit at night so I'm not sure how well I'll be able to see things. I hope to get some nice swirling cloud shots, so hopefully you'll see some of those. Here's some links to those old Rita posts:
A Storm's a Brewin'...
Rita: Update
Rita: T-Minus...
Rita: Where the Hell...

This is What Happens When You Don't Get Enough Sleep

2008-09-10T02:41:00.002-05:00

I was just in the kitchen getting filling up a glass of water and a glass of milk. I have a drinking problem. Before you ask, I am getting help for it. I started taking my first sip of water as I was putting the milk back in the fridge. When the water touched my tongue, I tasted milk.

Sleep is precious. Don't waste it.

Politics Are Funny

2008-09-04T15:02:00.002-05:00

The title refers to "funny" being the "Oh man, that was funny when you repeated me kicked me in the balls and left me sterile" way. It feels like a blinding fire in your crotch while its happening, but then you're able to look back and laugh while plotting your sweet, sweet revenge.

I'm not going to turn this into a political forum. The previous post and this may lead one to believe that, but I'm assuring you that it's not happening. Most of my father's side of the family are pretty opinionated when it comes to certain topics and we discuss those topics at great length. Of course, politics is a major one. Especially during election times. So I've got politics on the brain.

I try my best to sound like I know what I'm talking about during these discussions, but I never research anything I say. I hate research. I find it to be a boring tedious process that can yield, very often, no decent results. To top it off, most of the things I find can be easily refuted due to the source of the information. I was going to write a post about the health care system and how incredibly frustrating and inferior it is to other nations because I had just watched Michael Moore's "Sicko," but all the information I found had numerous other sources showing the error of the data. Specifically any data that was similar to the data that Moore used in his film. There are hundreds of bits and writings about the errors he made in his assumptions. Which is understandable considering the focus of the film. I'm getting off track. I will say, though, that the health care system stopped being a service long ago and has become a business where profits are the driving factor and not a person's well-being.

So, back to research. It sucks. There. I'm done with that.

Now, the reason I started writing this in the first place. Politics. Doesn't the root word look like it would be "polite"? The only time I see politicians being polite is when they're kissing each other's asses or the asses of those who they're trying to get something out of. It's another dirty business in this country. A business that started out as a service. They keep us from anarchy, dogs and cats living together in harmony and all that crap. Now it's how much money can they get for their district, but not necessarily using the money for the district. "Bridge's to Nowhere" spring to mind. I'm tired of seeing the same people returning to Washington after an election. Most of them are older, white men, and they just keep getting older, whiter, and out of touch with the rest of us. They spend time arguing over shit that takes up valuable time... Well, it would be valuable if they all actually showed up to get work done. The removal of a feeding tube is not a topic that should be debated at length. The removal of funding for programs that feed those starving in our streets or allied nations should.

Which brings me to another issue, Georgia. The country, not the state. I saw on the news this morning that Cheney traveled to Georgia (the country) to show our support and $1 billion to show how commit ed we are to a "strategically located nation," as the Houston Chronicle put it. So, if it wasn't located in a good spot, would we give a damn? No. I can back that up with one word: Darfur. And $1 billion is going to help them in a war? America spends about $12 billion A MONTH on the Iraq War, and we're fighting an army that's the equivalent of a garage band. Russia has an entire trained army at their disposal along with tanks, jets, and long-range missiles. Hell, they may even have a few nukes left too. I guess the money can last a little longer as long as the don't agree to any shady deals with Halliburton.

Who Else Watched History Tonight?

2008-08-28T23:25:00.002-05:00

I'd like to think that in 30 years or so, when people talk about this night and ask, "Where were you," I can say proudly, "On the couch." Yeah, it's not that inspiring, but just knowing that I watched the moment live is good enough for me. Will it be one of those speeches that we, as Americans, talk about in history classes like the Gettysburg Address or "I have a dream"? I have no idea, but I hope that it will be the point that we can all look back and see that it was the start toward fixing our jaded government. A change that we desperately need.

As far as the speech itself, I can't analyze it like others because I've never watched an acceptance speech. In fact, I've never taken the time to watch any political speech. I ignored them because I was always expecting the same talk. This time I wanted to see a man make his case to the country. I think he showed great conviction in his words. I believed, like many analysts I've heard since the speech ended, that he was sincere and wants to do what is right for Americans. I just hope he can follow through on his plans. The devil's advocate in me wondered how he plans to finance what he told us he'll do once in office while dropping taxes for the middle classes. He did mention eliminating tax breaks for companies, so that may be the answer.

I've been disillusioned by the political practices of our representatives since the 2000 election. It wasn't so much the outcome as the petty bickering and the actions of those who saw the confusion as their chance to step into the public spotlight. It had nothing to do with what would be better for the country. It was only who won and who lost. With emphasis on the loser. Since Bush took office, my loss of trust in government just continued to grow and with that I also lost pride for the country that I live in. Barak Obama has helped give me hope. It looks like one of the keywords of Obama's campaign is ringing true with me.

I'm starting to believe McCain's accusation that Obama is a celebrity. He's got a huge following and for some reason McCain's camp is trying to make it a bad thing. I can't say for certain, but I would think that if JFK had run for President in this day and age, he'd be called a celebrity as well. If I were going to label Obama, I'd say he was like a small time band that just soared, seemingly overnight (although the path was much longer and harder), to be one of the most popular bands in the world, selling out arenas and topping the charts with his album.

Mazel Tov!

2008-08-10T00:08:00.003-05:00

After finishing my second summer semester I decided to take a trip up to Chicago to visit family, specifically my cousin who is moving to Philly with her husband. I was unaware when I made my flight reservations that there was a distant relative getting married that weekend. My great cousins got me a last minute invite, I was close to having to crash it. Another thing I was unaware of until I arrived, is that the groom was Jewish.

So, I attended my first Jewish celebration. I got to yell, "Mazel Tov," when he stepped on the glass. I learned the symbolism behind the breaking of the glass. I wore a yarmulke. I learned how to spell yarmulke. The reception was the same as all the other weddings I've been to though. Except the food was kosher.

On a serious note, it was a great wedding and it was great to see my grandparents again, for the third time this summer!

P.S. I really need to work on my writing if I'm going to keep this up. The well is running dry, and this could have easily been much longer.

I Wish I Had the Money To Do This

2008-08-02T16:56:00.002-05:00

Okay, okay. I know I've done it again. I thought I was going to be pretty consistent with the posts, but then classes started for the summer and I got side-tracked. Actually, I just couldn't remember the things that I had thought of while I was out during the day when I came home to start writing. Not much has changed, but I found this video today in the Daily Links section at MentalFloss. It has some animatronic characters from the old Show-Biz Pizza franchise (although everyone says it's Chuck-E-Cheese because no one remembers Show-Biz). This guy, who is apparently named Chris Thrash, programs the characters to sing pop songs. It works pretty damn well too. I watched much of it intently to see if they slipped up, but it was nearly spot-on. You know, despite the fact that their lips don't actually move and their mouths just flap open and closed.

So here is the video to see for yourself. It's just an embedded YouTube clip, but that's where he posts his stuff I guess.

If you'd like to read more about Chris Thrash, here is a collection of other blogs about the man put together in a neat little package.

Back To School, Back To School, To Prove To My Dad I'm Not a Fool...

2008-06-06T12:47:00.004-05:00

Anyone remember that from Billy Madison?? I started up class for the summer. Taking one in June and just a few minutes ago I decided to sign up for one in July. Still going to have to push graduation until Spring. I'm attending this class at a satellite location that I had gone to a few years back and hadn't been to since.

They've made some improvements since I was there last. I'm pretty sure they had wireless connectivity for years, but now I can log in with my UHD username and password. Before I had to waste time getting a special username for that specific location, but one of the IT guys told me that the systems had been updated to allow for each school to use their own. I guess I should mention that a few different schools in the UH System use that building.

The other day I had to make a pit stop and entered one of the bathroom stalls. I prefer using the stalls so I don't make other males that stand near me at the urinals feel inferior. I noticed inside the stall that they have added signs in that read, "Please Flush Toilet After Using". I think all public toilets should have these, because I've seen quite a few that looked as though people forgot this function of toilets. The water is not stationary, it requires a process of renewal by means of pulling a lever. I believe that was covered in potty training back in the day, but I could be wrong. I thought it was common knowledge, but as I stated above, I've seen many public toilets that would prove that belief incorrect.

Perhaps that should be a new state required course to be covered in high school.

Oh Yeah...

2008-06-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

I had thought of this idea for a pretty good post, but I forgot it. So instead, I decided to share a video I found while cleaning out my bookmarked pages. I don't remember where I found this or what it's for, but it's pretty I liked it. I can't put it on my page due to infringement reasons, obviously, so I'm just going to add a link to it.

Here it is!

Maybe Next Time

2008-06-01T13:26:00.002-05:00

Thursday I received my postcard from the folks at ABC. It was a very simple form letter/postcard informing me that I wasn't chosen to participate in the contestant pool. They thanked me for my time though. At least my name and address was written in ink. My friend had told me the night before that she had gotten hers and was rejected as well.

We both blame it on the woman we interviewed with. She was sick with a cold and probably hated being there. I know that if I had to sit around and hear people talk about themselves for a few hours after a full day of work, I wouldn't be in to it. In the back of my mind I knew that when the lady in charge of the process said that there was a second part to the interview, that it was vital to take part in that to be considered for the show. When I left after just that first portion I was not very optimistic, but I wasn't giving up all hope since I wanted to believe that she was not a dirty, dirty liar pants on fire.

So, it looks like I won't be winning any big cash prizes on a game show any time soon. I did receive a notice in my email that I won $2.5 million in the Malaysia Lottery though! I just have to send them my bank account information. I can't believe my luck! Now I think I'll get in touch with that deposed ruler of Nigeria.

Friday: May 9

2008-05-29T03:48:00.004-05:00

So, it's been a few weeks since the last post and I forgot to write about the last day of my trip. Since I don't have much else to write up at the moment, here it is.

I woke up just in time to see my friend getting packed and preparing to leave in order to catch her flight. We had a few hours difference in our departures and I had decided to stay in New York for a little extra time to get some more sightseeing in. It was a pretty good idea, until I saw the weather report. We had lucked out Thursday, actually. When I had checked the forecast before leaving it had rain scheduled for both days, but Thursday I only saw some sprinkles while walking to the hotel and then it cleared up to be a beautiful day. I'm glad I checked and packed an umbrella, because Friday I wasn't so lucky.

It wasn't a heavy rain by any means, but it was a constant rain that made things a little gloomy. I think it helped add a little something to my photos though. Just a little shine to all the streets and roads while providing enough light so that I didn't have to use a flash. I had left my hotel room and checked out around 10:00 AM and had planned to meet a friend of mine who is living in New York around 12:30 PM for lunch. She lives in lower Manhattan, so I just had to keep walking South, back through Times Square, to get a little closer before I tried to wave down a flag.

During my walk I headed over towards Rockefeller Plaza to see some of the NBC buildings. I had seen them about ten years ago when I passed through the city with my family, but I didn't have a camera at that time. There were numerous tour groups being shown around the Plaza and I believe they ended the tour in the NBC gift shop. I shortly fancied the idea of following one of the groups around, just to get a little extra info on everything but I was on a semi-schedule. I didn't want to get caught up into anything that would take me a long time and then be late for lunch.

After an hour and a half of walking around in the rain my feet became soaked. I had hit a few good-sized puddles as I crossed streets and I was wearing some simple canvas shoes. The temperature had cooled quite considerably from the day before, so my feet were getting a little cold. The umbrella I had brought with me was a little compact number that I could fit into my bag, so it wasn't quite large enough to protect my lower extremities from the precipitation. Something I had thought over, but could not really do much about, before leaving and something I had forgotten until that point. I had made it to the southern portion of Times Square and decided it was time to hail a cab. Which was impossible.

I don't know if it was the fact that it was raining, it was around lunch, a combination of the two, or if it's always like that, but every taxi I tried to wave down either had someone in it, or was off duty. I stood around in different areas trying to get one as I kept moving south toward the location I had agreed to meet my friend at. It wasn't until I came across Macy's and a doorman that was using his whistle to catch their attentions that I was able to get into a cab. If I hadn't come across that store, I probably would have ended up walking most of the way downtown.

I met up with my friend and ended up having lunch at a cafe that serves tea. It's a place I'd actually heard about a few years ago and I had a desire to go there if I ever made it to New York. I'd forgotten all about that and just happened to be there by sheer coincidence. The cafe is called Teany, and was originally co-owned by the musician Moby. That's not why I wanted to check it out, I just like tea. It has a vegan menu though, and I walked in there wearing one of my favorite shirts that say, "Meat is Murder. Tasty, Tasty Murder." I hadn't even realized what I had done until I had left and was on my way to the airport. Anyway, lunch was good, I ate a "chicken" salad sandwich, and it was great to see my friend that I hadn't had a chance to get together with in years. We tried to fill each other in on the happenings in our lives over the past few years in the short time we had before she had to go to work and I wanted to catch a cab to get to the airport.

My friend must know the trick to getting a cab, because she got one for me in just a few minutes. I'll figure it out before I die. (I think I said that in a previous post, but I don't care. It will happen) On the cab ride to the airport the cab driver nearly rear-ended a handful of people and broke a number of traffic laws, some of which involved laws of physics that I didn't even think it was possible to break until I saw him do it. Nevertheless, I arrived at the airport in one piece and then proceeded to spend time waiting in my wet shoes for departure back home. Which was, of course, delayed by about an hour due to the weather.

Hopefully, my next post will be about the notice I get in the mail informing me of the date I will be appearing on the game show. It should be arriving very soon, so keep your fingers crossed. Also, photos from my trip can be seen here.

That Night (Thursday)

2008-05-14T12:08:00.003-05:00

My friend and I met up shortly after I finished my audition. She spent some more time in Central Park taking in the surroundings. We talked a little about our individual processes and found out we had different tests, but the same interviewer. Short, blond woman with a cold.

We started walking back to our hotel to drop off our things and change into something more suitable for the city, when we passed a mass of people and flashing lights in Columbus Circle. It was over by the Time Warner building and we looked at each other and thought we had better check it out. As we approached the mob of people standing on the tips of their toes trying to get a good peek, we see Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers of Saturday Night Live fame. It was a red carpet event that we later found out to be "Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People of 2007". It was after 7:00pm and we may have gotten there a little early to see the more famous folks that would be making their way up the carpet. It's hard to tell having never been to one of them before. Of course, I wasn't dressed for the occasion too. We stood around for a while trying to spot others and here's a quick list of who we saw (that I can remember): Bob Balaban, Matt Lauer, Lorne Michaels, Martha Stewart, Charlie Rose, Rupert Murdoch, Lance Armstrong, Will Forte, and Joe Scarborough.

After getting back to the hotel, splashing some water on our faces, and figuring out where we were headed, we got back on the street and headed for Times Square. The sun was quickly setting and it was the perfect time to see it lit up in all it's excessive LCD glory. I had seen this scene once before nearly ten years ago and it has changed quite a bit from what I remember. We began walking north past the Hard Rock, Planet Hollywood, and the Virgin Megastore when this guy selling comedy show tickets stopped us. He told us of a show that was taking place up-town and told us a number of comedians were going to be there tonight. We both hesitated for some time before agreeing to purchase a ticket. We had 45 minutes to get there in time for the show. We thought walking would be quick enough, so we continued on our way. We passed Dave Letterman's CBS stomping grounds and, randomly, Random House publishing. Yes, the pun was intended. As it came closer and closer to 10, when the show was supposed to start, we decided our feet were not going to assure us a timely arrival. We began trying to hail a cab. It's not easy. We spent a lot of time trying to find one available and on duty. We continued walking in the direction we needed to go to keep from wasting too much time.

After five minutes of failed attempts, we nailed one. We rode for five, maybe ten, minutes before we got to the location. There was a line outside and we were not late. In fact, we didn't even sit until sometime closer to 10:30. The club was packed and there was a benefit being held, much to our surprise, for rescued dogs and cats in shelters. They were trying to collect money to help pay for the expenses of housing the animals and rehabilitating them back to health. There was a short video afterwards that showed the work that the people at the shelter do. It was pretty heart-wrenching. Anyway, of the comedians the street vendor told us of only one was there, Dave Attell. A little disappointing, but the others were still funny and worth the time. After the show we actually caught up to Dave Attell and I was able to get a picture with him (which is to the left). He was much shorter than I thought, but then again I'd only seen him on television and that adds three feet. We communicated via beard.

After that we jumped on the subway to a stop close to Columbus Center and once again walked to our hotel. After all that walking I fell asleep pretty quickly. I didn't even bother talking off my jeans.

The Audiiton

2008-05-13T14:12:00.002-05:00

We left the hotel a few hours early to get in some wandering before we were told to arrive for the audition. We headed back over toward Park Ave and stopped at Carnegie Hall to take some pictures. Then we headed north to Central Park and walked along a few paths. It was a nice day, nicer than had been forecast and I was wearing a sweatshirt (the name was never so literal), and there were many in the park that day. Although, I have no frame of reference as to how many people would be in the park on any given day, but I'll just say there were many. Numerous families were out, some with a child in a stroller or others trying to chase their offspring down, and there were a few softball games in progress. It reminded me of going to my dad's games as a kid. The weather and atmosphere were very similar to my memories. We stopped to photograph a few bridges and rock formations that, we thought, we had recognized from movies or television shows.

After, maybe, thirty minutes of walking inside the park, we decided to head over toward the ABC building on 66th. We were both a little hungry and started looking for somewhere to eat. It was around 4:30 pm and my friend's audition was at 5:30, so we decided to walk by the building before stopping for food to see if there was anyone gathering outside. There weren't as many as we'd thought, but it was still a little early. We walked over to Lincoln Center and stopped at a little cafe, that we thought was the only one but later found numerous locations all over the city. We had a quick sandwich and chips and just sat and watched the passersby. My friend pointed out that the section of 66th that ABC was on was also called Peter Jennings Way. I craned my neck to see if the other streets had dual names, and sure enough they did. I didn't recognize many of them, but this was another recurrence around the city as well. Mostly the heavily trafficked areas.

Around 5:00 or 5:15 my friend walked off to stand in line outside ABC and I walked over to the Barnes and Noble across the street. My audition wasn't until 6:30 and I had some time to kill. I walked around the store just to get an idea of the layout, I didn't want to peruse any books because I'd then have to carry them around with me if I made any purchases. It was three, maybe four I'm not sure, levels and the always present Starbucks was at the top. I went up there and got a coffee and a juice and then sat down with the notebook I brought along with me. I had it to help carry a questionnaire that the studio had asked us all to bring along. Just simple questions that, in the end, may never be read. I don't know how these auditions work.

I passed the time jotting down notes and thoughts. At 6:00 I left and walked over to the line-up and got in position. I stood there for awhile, watching the line grow longer and listening to people ask what the line was for and other's in line talking about previous attempts to get on the show. There was one guy in a vest covered in money. He must have done this a few times now, because he was imparting his wisdom to those around him. Couldn't have been to helpful for him though, since he was back in the line. One of the folks running the audition recognized him based solely on the vest. Good or bad, I've no idea.

Once the group ahead of us had finished they began to corral us into the building. As I was walking in, my friend walked out and filled me in on her success in passing the test. I had to pass now. We had to stop and pass some medal detectors that were being run by a few guys that looked and talked like they belonged in a Scorcese film. We sat at our chairs and waited as they gave us our instructions on the 30 question multiple-choice quiz. We had ten minutes to finish it. I only needed five. The questions were pretty easy and I only got hung up on a few of them. Then they collected the tests and graded them in a few minutes. The ringleader of the audition then started reading off numbers that corresponded with our test number. The list contained maybe twenty numbers and my heart skipped a beat after each number was called, but not mine. That is until the very last number. My heart jumped up into my throat as the words, "And finally..." came out of her mouth. I made the cut, but my nerves were shot.

The next stage of the audition consisted of those who passed taking part in a short interview. Most of the questions were similar to those on the questionnaire that I'd brought along with me, but they wanted to hear my say it. Corroborating the story, I guess. then the last question was, "What is something interesting that the host would like to know about you?" I didn't have an answer to that. I'm just a regular guy who was born and raised in St. Louis who has a lot of trivia knowledge in his head and wanted to put it to the test. Being unable to grasp at any other thoughts, I said something very similar to that. After that, my interviewer thanked me for my time and wished me luck. There was a second interview portion that they had said would take place on camera, which was over in the corner, but it wasn't vital in getting an appearance on the show. My friend and I both only made it to the first part. When I had walked in I saw someone being interviewed on tape, but being one of the first interviewed in my group I didn't see how many of those stuck around for the second interview.

I find out in a few weeks what the final word is. You get a notice in the mail about whether you're on or not via postcard. Guess they have to save money somehow.

Arriving in New York

2008-05-13T01:09:00.006-05:00

So I decided to break up my New York experience into a few entries here. I figured that some might not care about a few of the things I mention here and just want to get to the nitty gritty. What ever that may be. I think this will turn into four separate posts: Arrival, Audition, That Night, and Friday. Not much happened on Friday in comparison to the other three sections I've created before writing them. Well, without further delay here's part one:

I woke up at 4 am last Thursday to catch my flight that was leaving at 7:15. I needed time to get gas, get to the airport to park my car, get shuttled over to the proper terminal, and then get frisked by bored airport security agents. It can take about 45 minutes to get the airport and I've had many instances where the shuttle to the airport took quite a long time. I figured the invasion-of-personal-space portion would be pretty smooth sailing that early in the morning. Luckily, things went for smoothly for me that morning. I had enough time to eat some weird breakfast sandwich and grab some over-priced drinks before boarding even started.

The flight was uneventful and since I ate breakfast in the terminal, I was able to stow my corn flakes and banana in my bag for later consumption. Being that this trip was only a one-niter, I was able to pack extremely light and had plenty of room for any extras I picked up along the way. I was able to get some reading done and jot a few thoughts and ideas down in a little notebook I brought with me. Here's one of the entries:

"I saw a woman standing in the airport who was so thin that I wanted to throw one of my tater-tots at her to see if her body would absorb it on impact. Her clothes Looked like they had been sucked close to her body, as if her body was trying to find sustenance from any source, even denim."

There are a few others, but all of them are quite a bit longer. I thought they might come in handy if I decided to flesh them out into full-blown posts on here.

Upon landing at JFK Airport I was able to head straight for the doors since I packed conservatively for this adventure. I have to admit something here for the sake of this narrative; I've never hailed a taxi before and was unsure if it was as easy as it looked on TV/movies. Due to this, I went up to an official looking guy with a tie and hat and asked him how I could get to Midtown. He immediately told me, "$15. The bus." I paused for a second, just minutes off the plane and I was getting scammed already? I was ready to drop $50 on a cab and $15 was a steal comparatively. Could I really save that much? Then he whipped out this ticket printing device and motioned over to the bus parked just a few yards away. I handed him the $15, took my ticket, and grabbed a seat. Then the bus pulled away, with me as its only passenger. The scammed thoughts began rising in me again. As the bus made its way around I kept seeing signs for the airport exit, and we kept turning in the opposite direction. I hadn't realized that he had to get around to the other seven terminals for other fares. I am such a tourist.

After making the rounds we finally began our way into the heart of Manhattan. Our destination, Grand Central Station. I had no idea where that was. I knew where I needed to be, and I had studied a map of Manhattan pretty thoroughly before leaving to get an idea of how to get around. As long as Grand Central was near something I could recognize, I'd be fine. Thankfully the moment we exited the Queens Midtown Tunnel there was a sign indicating where the different routes would take you, and I recognized the numbered streets. My only hope was that we didn't go too far down the numerical list, because my hotel was on 57th. I didn't know where I was until descending from the bus onto the street. It was 42nd and Park Ave. I might be a tourist, but a damn lucky one.

I began heading north and I instantly felt the pulse of the city around me. There's a reason this depot is named Grand Central, because I felt like I was right in the heart of Manhattan Island. The streets branching from this point were the veins and the thousands of pedestrians and cars were the blood. I felt invigorated and not at all daunted by the walk to the hotel that was ahead of me. Seeing all of these people moving along at their own beat, but at the same time the same rhythm. It was something I'd never felt before. There were a few salmon trying to swim upstream that I encountered, sometimes I took on that roll myself, but I never felt overwhelmed like I had imagined this walk would. Along this walk I tried to take in as many of the sights that I could, but I knew that I'd have another chance later on after the audition. I didn't stray too far from the path I'd set for myself from Grand Central to the hotel and I only stopped once because it began to rain and I decided to stop for a drink. After that, I arrived at the hotel and only had to wait ten or fifteen minutes for my friend, who was also auditioning for the same show in just a few hours.

Kosmo's Millions... ?

2008-05-07T19:19:00.002-05:00

A little over a week ago I was informed that a friend of mine received an email to audition to appear on an ABC game show that was once hosted by Regis Philbin. It's now been relegated to the time slots between soaps and Judge Judy. After hearing this news about my friend, I did a little investigating on ABC's website to see if I too could partake in this audition. I have a wealth of useless knowledge floating in my gray matter from generations of devoted knowledge seekers. I also tried once when it was a big deal and didn't get past the phone-in test. This time though, there was no test over the phone. I just filled in some quick little bits of info about myself and the next day recieved the same email as my friend. We're actually doing the auditions tomorrow, just an hour apart. The catch is that the auditions take place in New York City.

I seemed to have waited a bit too long in my decision on whether or not I should go though, because my plane ticket cost a shitload more than it would have if I'd not thought it over so much. DAMN!! At least I can split the cost of a hotel with my friend for one night. Saving some dough there. Taxis will be a bitch, but that's all just part of the investment in getting a few steps closer to becoming a contestant and making a fool of myself as I miss the first, and easiest, question.

I've been to New York once, about ten years ago. I was with my family on a trek from the Midwest to New England to visit family and stopped in the Big Apple for about 8 hours. It wasn't bad. Saw Times Square lit up at night, Rockefeller Center, a guy walking around with an albino boa constrictor wrapped around his neck like a scarf, and Battery Park. I was very tired from walking around and decided to rest in the car while the rest of my family walked over to see the tiny Statue of Liberty in the distance. This time, I have no idea what I'm going to see. I'll be there for just a little over 24 hours. I think it's supposed to rain too, so walking will be a bit of a pain in the ass. The hotel is close to Central Park. I might go trip a few joggers.

She's the Reason

2008-04-30T08:09:00.003-05:00

For a few years now there has been a cycle of news coverage surrounding a video game, Grand Theft Auto IV. It's been the focus of many parental groups who deem violence in media is destroying our youth, yadda, yadda, yadda. They have a point to a certain degree. Yes, violence in media, and in this case video games, has become pretty graphic and commonplace. With the look of video games always evolving, striving for a closer sense of realism, the amounts of blood and guts seen in games appears to have evolved as well. Some of it is pretty unnecessary, but there's a vital piece of information that these parental groups overlook: Video games aren't just for kids anymore. They believe that these games are made specifically for their children in mind, when in fact, it's aiming for the much older and mature demographic. If any parent cared to look at a video game, they'd see that there is a rating system in place to help them deem what their child should or shouldn't be playing. It's an even easier system than that used by movies.

But the reason for all this hullabaloo is what I saw at the store yesterday. I went to Best Buy to look over the game and see if I saw fit to purchase it. While I was there I happened to see an older woman strolling around the same area with said game in hand. One glance at her and you could see "soccer mom" written all over. She has no idea how to play the video games she was perusing and, at times, seemed a bit lost. The moment I saw her holding Grand Theft Auto in her hand red flags went off inside of me and I wanted to slap her in the side of the head and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing. I didn't, because I wanted to see if she would realize her mistake and return it from whence it came. Unfortunately I had to go before witnessing this with my own eyes. My trust in the dimwitted individuals of this world may be my downfall.

It's parents like that the cause all the commotion in those parental groups about video games. They just buy the one that little Timmy says he wants without learning anything about it, or listening to a single news source for the past week. They become appalled at the industry that creates the games instead of turning the blame on themselves for not taking the proper steps that a parent should to avoid having their child see inappropriate material such as that. Hell, most of the stuff that I've seen on MTV or even the Disney Channel seems like things that a kid shouldn't be watching some times. I'm only 26, and already I'm complaining about the youth of America.

Clutter

2008-04-27T05:53:00.004-05:00

I have always had a problem with hording keepsakes and mistakenly thinking that this item or that doodad will come in handy at a later time. About two months ago I was able to do away with a lot of those things, keeping only those items I absolutely could not part with. I'm not alone in having that problem though. A large portion of us have closets or boxes full of things that, if we really thought about it, didn't need. Space is no exception.

We've been flinging satellites up into orbit for decades now and even jettisoned rocket boosters from shuttle launches hang out up there too. There was this Japanese anime that I watched for a while called "Cowboy Bebop" that told the story of three interplanetary bounty hunters. It was a really well written show in a noir style. In one episode they focused on Earth and it's inability to contain life due to all of the space garbage that would rain down on earth each day. The shape of the continents would be altered each time one of these pieces of debris impacted the planet, some leaving small, smoldering holes while others left giant craters. The amount of space to fly around in Earth's orbit was even difficult to maneuver in due to all the satellites, garbage from space stations, and whatever other waste humans left out there.

Why do we keep so much garbage around us that we have no use for? I recall a problem a month ago with an object that was threatening to fall out of orbit that contained radioactive material that had to be shot out of the sky. How many more of these will we have to deal with in the next decade? Did the rocket scientists neglect to think of ways to dispose of these things once they were past their operating dates?

I was poking around on the Internet and just happened to come across these images that sparked this entire thought process. It appears that all those people who once thought Earth was the center of the Universe have been proven correct. Except that this Universe consists of garbage.

"Nothing Means Anything"

2008-04-26T09:04:00.002-05:00

The above is a quote that I read in a book just a few hours ago and it said that those were the last words of film producer Louis B. Mayer. I looked it up (the same place that the link will take you) and it stated that his last words were "Nothing matters." I was trying to find the originator of the quote, if it was in fact not Mayer, but couldn't find any promising leads.

Now at first glance this phrase seems like something that a seriously depressed man would say. I'm sure you're wondering why I have such a high interest in it. I have been a bit depressed lately, but that's not the reason for my curiosity. Maybe I'm reading into it a little, but I don't perceive it as a comment on the futility of life. In the grand scheme of things we, as individuals, don't really matter and over time will be forgotten. Yes, that's an obvious way to see it, but maybe there's more.

I wanted to see who really said it to see if the words may have been taking out of context. Maybe Mayer had a moment of clarity on his deathbed and just before he began chasing the white light realized something. What if he just misspoke and meant to say, "Nothing can mean anything"? Perhaps he saw or was able to succinctly describe the ability of imagination in humans?

Think about. Our thoughts must all start at an absolute zero point. There is nothing going on in our minds and then the moment our brain is switched on, we are flooded with thoughts and sensations of the world around us. Each individual experiences those things a different way creating different thought processes leading to the possibility of anything. We all, essentially, come from the same place - a female womb - and then we branch out from there with the potential to accomplish anything we set our minds and imagination to.

Oenology

2008-04-26T00:41:00.002-05:00

The above words is a foreign one to me. I know it's meaning, I even know the fundamental steps in creating wine (which for those that didn't know, is a simple definition of the word), but other than knowing there are red and white varieties, that's it. My knowledge of the subject is stunted. A friend of mine knows (at least I think she does) quite a bit about wines and their varieties, she can even pronounce the French names that I stumble over with ease. Her knowledge and having watched the movie "Sideways" were always a reason for me to be learned in the world of wine.

The reason for such an interest is that I feel I'm missing something. When I have heard of wine tastings and asked if I would be interested in attending one, I pictured a bunch of affluent snobs rubbing elbows as they tried to one-up each other with stories of their most recent corporate take-over. That was a few years ago and I haven't been invited to wine tastings for quite some time now. If asked to join in on the affair now, I'd make sure my schedule was open. I want to see if I can experience the flavors that I've heard others discuss where before all I tasted was a fermented grape. Hearing some of the descriptions given of the wines sampled in "Sideways" got me to wondering if those tastes were actually noticeable, or just a bunch of talk to make others, like myself, feel left out of the clique.

I picked up the novel "Sideways" a few months ago because I, like many others, tend to believe that the book is always much more enjoyable than the movie. (The only exclusion from the rule would be "Fight Club". I liked both the book and movie and felt that each had their strengths over the other.) I just finished reading it a few days ago, and it was a good book. I had trouble getting past much of the wine terminology, since I've yet to have similar experiences with wine, but other than that it was a pretty funny story. Much different than the movie, and I think this will continue on in my book-over-movie beliefs. The novel delved much deeper into the wines than the movie was able to, though. This has helped catapult my interest even more. There are thousands of wines in the world, each with their distinctive niche, and, although I will never experience even a large fraction of them, I want to see if there is anything to the enormous glossary of terminology that wine has gathered for itself.

Since I'm still recovering from my tonsil procedure from last Friday and still taking the antibiotics, this journey will have to wait, but I will try to take a new perspective on this beverage that I so long viewed as "out of my league". I won't be opposed to drinking Merlot either. (Which saw a large decrease in consumption after "Sideways" was released due to the main character's exclamation that if the women he was meeting with ordered Merlot, he would get up and leave. He would, "NOT drink any fucking Merlot!" It's strange how even a fictional character can have such an impact on the tastes of others.)

My Dad is 50

2008-04-24T05:17:00.004-05:00

So the old man turned 50 on Earth Day. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't write about it on the day, and my response is, "Because a while back I mentioned that I would not be writing about people's birthdays on this blog, jackass." This is the point you remember every word I've ever written here and apologize whole-heartedly...

Good.

I wanted to do something really memorable for him, like I wanted to do when he turned 40 and my parents celebrated their 25 anniversary, but I couldn't think of anything, like the other events I failed to come through on. It's not that I don't care about my parents, it's just that I tried to think through their response to each plan I came up with. And I always tried to come up with something on my own. I think I discussed what to do for the 25th anniversary with my brother, but that might have been once. I wanted to just come up with the idea and then tell everyone what we're doing. I've been taking this online test to determine how much of my brain I use (which isn't an accurate test but I get to compare my scores with friends so it's fun in that respect) and it says that I've got a very analytical mind. I believe it's this overly-analytical mind that gives me such trouble when trying to plan anything. Constantly second-guessing all the outcomes makes it nearly impossible to decide on one.

So, this year I got him the complete series of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" on DVD. I've gotten him a few DVDs that I know he's highly praised for various events in the past, but I also know that he doesn't usually get around to watching them. So, I'm not sure why I keep doing it. Maybe I just keep thinking it will change and he'll sit and watch them sometime. My mom is similar, but she just can't sit still for very long. I think it's due to RLS, which I had a small bout with but changed my caffeine intake and it seemed to go away. Maybe it's just a generational thing. Not that I don't think he liked the gifts, though. I mean, it's Monty Python. I believe you would find their definition in the dictionary, or encyclopedia entry, is "See hilarity". That's a fact.

It's a Little Weird

2008-04-24T05:06:00.002-05:00

The Pope visited the States this week and I heard a little snippit from one of his speeches. I found it a bit alarming. It had nothing to do with what he was saying, but instead how. That thick German accent was throwing me off.

I grew up Catholic, going to a Catholic school for a few years, but I also grew up watching a lot of action movies that had Nazis as the villain. So, here is the holiest man on Earth, the one who's supposed to converse with God and all that, but he talks like all the bad guys from the movies I loved as a kid. It's a strange situation for me. I'm not a Catholic anymore, but Pope John Paul was the only pope I knew. He was the one I identified as a Pope-like figure: old, hunched over, didn't talk much, but when he did it was with a charming Italian accent. I'm sure he would have had all the ladies swoon for him if it wasn't for the vow of celibacy thing.

During the same clip of the Pope doing his funny-talking thing, there were short interviews of those who were lining the streets to catch a glimpse of him in his motorcade. They were all saying how it was one of, if not THE, greatest moment of their lives. The only thing I kept thinking was, "DIDN'T YOU HEAR HIM TALK!?!"

I'm on Another Superhero Kick

2008-04-23T06:00:00.004-05:00

Don't let the title confuse you. I'm always into superheroes and comics, but the amount of focus I give them comes and goes. This recent upswing has come about after watching six seasons of "Smallville" on DVD in the past month. I'd been curious about it for awhile, I had even seen a few episodes when it first aired a few years ago (from the fourth season, I believe), but by then the story had gotten into full swing and I was a bit lost. There's one comic geek in me that can't like it because it ignores a lot of the Superman timeline that was established by the comic books, but the other just likes seeing the superpowers in action. I'm more of a Batman fan and if there were a live-action TV show, I may have to be strapped down in a chair to prevent myself from causing harm to those around me if any liberties were taken with the sacred history of the Dark Knight. I still like Superman though, and any creative license the writers wish to take is alright by me.

However, this is about an animated movie that was released by DC about a month ago; "DC: The New Frontier". The film is based on a graphic novel by Darwyn Cooke, and as you can see by the image to the left here, the art style is a bit "older", so to speak. That's because it takes place in the mid-1950's around the time that the hunt for Communists in America is in full swing. The heroes that America once so eagerly accepted into their lives to save them from countless dangers have been forced to quit or work with the government to keep them in check. A new risk rears its head, however, and it takes the combined efforts of the worlds superheroes to defeat it, which leads to the creation of the Justice League of America (JLA).

The JLA is a great comic because it brings all the big names together and allows them to interact with one another. That's really cool for a kid to see. I guess it helps with the whole "teamwork" concept that one develops as a child. This story was an interesting one though, because no one had touched the story of these superheroes in that time period before. What I mean by this is, there was a period when the comics were headed in one direction (during their initial popularity) and then there was a decline and the JLA came about in order to resurrect their status. In that time there were a few changes to characters that were made and there wasn't really a reason behind it (although it was really just do to changing artists and writers). "New Frontier" bridged that gap though. Batman, for instance since he's the best one (no bias there), was a very dark character in order to scare criminals. During this story it takes an incident in which he's saving a child and the reaction of fear that the child has over his appearance is the reason for the change to a more light-hearted character and the inclusion of Robin. A touch that I thought was very insightful in the reasoning behind those changes. Another interesting touch was to make Wonder Woman taller than all the men, including Superman. She's an Amazon princess, and according to legend, their all supposed to be taller and stronger than the average man. Wonder Woman was never really shown in the typical "Amazonian" style though. Instead, artists opted for a much more feminine look which would, obviously, be better for sales.

Now, I thought the story was absolutely great. It's a little rushed, but that's what all adaptations feel like. If they were going to stay true 100% to the graphic novel, the movie would, probably, have been a few hours long. The gripe I have is with the voice acting. Not all of it, there were a lot of good choices on the actors and they did fantastic jobs, but the voice of Hal Jordan/Green Lantern was horrible. David Boreanaz, from the show "Bones" that is currently on Fox, gives a really flat performance. Yeah, it's a two dimensional, animated film, but that doesn't mean your believability needs to be too, pal. I haven't seen the guy do much live-action work, I know he was in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and then his own spin-off "Angel", but even then I thought he wasn't great. I'm really curious about how his casting came to be. It was just frustrating to be watching it, enjoying the story and then have him deliver his lines so flatly. It completely took me out of the experience and remember that I was watching a cartoon. The voice of Batman, Jeremy Sisto, was a bit hard on me too. He's got a cool, threatening kind of voice, but it's one of those that you could hear from a woman in her mid-40's that smokes three packs of Marlboros a day. I got used to it, but it was difficult.